Genshin Impact: I’m on the Brink of Death, and Teyvat Begs Me to Stay Alive

For a sky-high cash prize, Su Bai logs into the full-dive game Teyvat and joins the Fatui as a low-ranking member. As a hardcore grinder, he cares about nothing but missions and efficiency, exploiting game mechanics and abusing bugs to clear content as fast as possible. To trigger the “Perfect Form” passive and maximize his damage, he keeps his health locked at a near-death 1% year-round. To skip the tedious hit-stun animations, he unhesitatingly uses his own body to tank the deadly ultimate attacks of the Archons. To grind faction reputation quickly, he even solos the Abyss at critical health, casually handing out limited-edition divine weapons as if they were junk. He thought this was just standard speedrunning behavior for a player in a Fourth Catastrophe game, but he never expected all of Teyvat to develop a wildly overblown image of him! The Tsaritsa watches his bloodied body teeter on the verge of collapse and weeps uncontrollably, vowing to spend all of Snezhnaya’s resources to defy fate and keep him alive. Raiden Ei traces the scars covering his body, left from taking hits meant for others. Her heart for the Way collapses completely, and she sheds tears as she lets go of her obsession with eternity. Even Zhongli’s eyes turn red as he marvels that Su Bai would willingly endure such soul- and life-rending pain to protect all living beings. Faced with the astonishing sight of gods from across the continent weeping and begging him not to die, Su Bai, fresh from the Abyss with his pockets full of Mora, is completely dumbfounded. He looks at the “Critical-Health Berserker” buff on his panel, which is practically invincible, and cannot help asking himself a soul-searching question. All I did was exploit a mechanic to maximize my damage in the red, so how did all of Teyvat get it into their heads that I’m about to die of some illness?