A Record of a Mortal's Journey to Immortality: I'm in the Mortal World, but the System Is in Battle Through the Heavens!

Chapter 20, still playing house in Qixuanmen

With this talent, you shouldn't need to go to the Bloody Forbidden Land.

You have to have your own opinions, and don't be too deliberate about the protagonist's plot. Basically, this is a success. The reason why most mortals die is because they are talented and have Foundation Establishment Pills but still have to go to the Bloody Forbidden Land. The key is that some go without taking Nangong, and taking Nangong is also a poisonous point.

The writing is so deliberate, you can even guess what the author will write next if you follow what the author writes. It is not about practicing Qi, joining the sect and then going to the Bloody Forbidden Land. In the middle, he builds a good relationship with Han Li and goes through a few moderately strong battles. Then he builds the foundation and goes to practice. It is just that he joins the sect and shocks everyone, builds a good relationship with Han Li and then takes off. If he has an idea in the middle, he can also open a harem.

Qi training = fighting spirit Foundation building = fighting master Golden elixir = fighting master Nascent Soul = great fighting master Transformation into spirit = fighting spirit? Is this the setting? That would be boring

I have completed more than 20 chapters in Qixuanmen, and I have completed 3 chapters in the entry examination. During the free period, I have completed so many chapters that the iron is broken.

Fighting Qi----Forging Stage (the stage before entering the Qi Training Period, this stage does not exist among mortals) Fighter-----condensing cyclones, corresponding to the Qi Training Period Dou Master-----Early Stage of Foundation Establishment Great Fighter-----Middle and Late Stage of Foundation Establishment Fighting Spirit------Fake Pill Dou Wang------Elixir Formation Stage Dou Huang------Nascent Soul Stage Dou Zong------Shen Transformation Stage Dou Zun------Void Refining Stage Half Saint------Void Refining Peak Dou Sheng------Fusion Stage Dou Emperor------Mahayana Stage

The story is obviously not bad, and the imagination is not bad either, but I don't understand why there are so many emotional descriptions, mental descriptions, and facial expression descriptions inserted into a small piece of simple dialogue. It is much more than the content of the dialogue. It takes the spotlight and dominates the scene. What I am reading is not an urban romance novel. Why do you write so many psychological dramas and facial expressions in Three Young Boys?

Why do you want to accept Chen Qiaoqian? There was no elixir formation until death. In terms of appearance and qualifications, she just cannot compare to Nie Yingdu in terms of her three spiritual roots. No special physique, no special talent (Song Yu, Zi Ling, Xin Ruyin, Yuan Yao all have special talents)

Overall it's okay, but don't always emphasize it. It's best not to emphasize the protagonist's vagueness about the plot.