Waking up on a Moonless Night

How should a failed killer live? How do humiliation and pain reshape a blasphemous assassin? How do you continue when your beliefs and goals abandon you first? When you wake up in such a cold night, how do you deal with the fear and doubt that comes later? Is it possible for a believer who doesn't know himself or remember his past to be fanatical and religious? What if you were already in exile before your wavering manifested itself? There is no hero here who manipulates legendary magic to save the world, only a man who moves forward in the sigh of the goddess of pain and silence.