My Cultivation Diary in the Mortal World

A little opinion I just can't control myself. Last time I gave opinions on other books, I was scolded, but I still can't control myself this time. Let the author take a look at it and delete it if it doesn't work The biggest problem with your book is its flatness. The text seems to be displeased with mountains. The layers of mountains and twists and turns make it more fascinating. Your place is as level as a mirror, without any ripples, and everyone who looks at it will find it boring. Below are examples. Let's talk about the routine first, then talk about the author's writing style, then compare it with the original work, and then talk about improvements. Any story can be structured according to the beginning, succession, transition, and combination. The beginning is to start the story, which is divided into three steps. The first step of the routine is to summon the protagonist, which is something very important to the protagonist. It is the reason why the protagonist must fight for his life. It can be an object, a person, a thing, etc. Most of what summons the protagonist in the novel about cultivating immortals is the result of better cultivation, the boiled eggs mentioned in the article. In the author's article: Although he also said that he was going to make boiled eggs, his importance to the protagonist was not stated. Of course you can say this is fanfic for someone who doesn't know the importance of boiling eggs. However, people have individual attributes. Jack Ma can earn 10,000 yuan in the time he bends down, which is the same 10,000 yuan. The 10,000 yuan he earns has nothing to do with the 10,000 yuan you earn. What you have to say is your importance, not that everyone thinks he is important. Original text: Han Li needed boiled eggs because he understood that his four spiritual roots and qualifications were too poor. He felt that even one or two boiled eggs were not enough, so he needed a boiled egg recipe and refined it himself. Opinions for improvement: The protagonist must let readers know clearly how many spiritual roots he has, how many spiritual roots he has taken before, why he did not build a foundation, and how much he will need to use later to build a foundation. Only in this way can we capture readers' desire and see how the protagonist can achieve it. Although you mentioned it in the article, you ignored it too much and failed to arouse the readers' desire. The second step of the routine refuses the call. Everything has two sides, and there must be danger for those who want to improve their cultivation. Therefore, people's instinctive reaction is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. Naturally, they are resolutely opposed to going to dangerous places. Therefore, any protagonist will refuse the call. This step is very important logically. Why is the novel now a piece of writing? The protagonist just rushes into it when he has something good to offer, without seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages at all. It makes people look like they are brainless, and that's why they are criticized. In your article: I don't see any refusal of summons here. Although I also mentioned that I wanted to rob Senior Brother Lu and died in the hands of Han Li several times, I can still accept it. But who said in the end that he died decades after leaving Yellow Maple Valley? This is completely illogical. Different choices in any event will have countless different consequences. How can you declare that the protagonist must die just because of an escape event. So according to this logic, can I directly deduce the protagonist's path to becoming the Taoist based on the deduction, and then follow the steps step by step? So, I think that either this cheat must be limited, so that each time it can only deduce the result of the current event, or it can be said later that the previous deduction was due to my low cultivation level, and only one sentence will be displayed at the end of the deduction to correct this bug. Original text: When Han Li learned about the Bloody Forbidden Land, he decided not to go there without even thinking about it. However, he later learned that it would be even more cruel in five years, so he had no choice but to go there. Improvement comments: The author can emphasize that the Scarlet Forbidden Land is too dangerous and refuses to go there, and then try to find a way to rob Senior Brother Lu. Here, it is best to deduce several fatal endings, and then suddenly change the story, and you rob Senior Brother Lu and Han Li, and succeed. Here, you can say a death-free ending that was finally deduced, so that Han Li will be defeated. Readers will like to see that Old Demon Han will be robbed one day, and the protagonist also refuses to be summoned, which fills the loopholes in logic. The third step of the routine: Respond to the call. The story must develop downwards. The protagonist must take risks. Otherwise, if you practice in seclusion for a thousand years and directly ascend, what book can you write in one sentence? This step means that even if the protagonist refuses the call, he will have to bite the bullet in the end. This article: I didn't even see the protagonist's forced and helpless thoughts. In short, it was just that kind of bland acceptance. Original text: After Han Laomo defeated Senior Brother Lu, he got two boiled eggs. He didn't intend to go there, but it took three months to refine them. He didn't have enough time, so he had no choice but to do so. Improvements: Continuing from the previous deduction, the protagonist got two boiled eggs from Brother Lu, and then deduced that two boiled eggs cannot build a foundation. Then, the protagonist had to bite the bullet. In this way, it can be reversed, and secondly, it is unexpected, and the article will naturally have ups and downs. The author takes a look at it. If you think it is okay, I will follow up with the nine routines (inheritance, transfer and combination). If you feel bad, just delete it directly

Advice to the author, spoilers included. 1. Many things have been mentioned in one stroke, and those who have not read Mortal will not be able to understand . You can completely describe the people and events you encounter from Wu Feng's perspective and write down the world view. The characteristic of Mortal is meticulousness. 2. It is completely possible to open a new copy based on the mortal chronology. 3. For future actions to gain opportunities, the pros and cons must be analyzed and written down before implementation, otherwise it will be nonsense.

A peerless beauty like Yuan Yao comes to your doorstep and becomes his apprentice. And then he fell in love with his own mistress? ? ? ? The main character is a boar? ? ? ?

The author's inner hobbies seem to be a bit perverted. After it was put on the shelf, I started writing blindly. When I first wrote about Shi Niang, everyone in the comments knew what he was going to write about, so they were all criticizing and speaking harshly. I don't know why it's written like this. Is this what everyone came to read about Mortal Cultivation of Immortality? I'm not the one anyway, it feels quite disgusting. After reading the first 100 chapters, I just can't stand it anymore.

I finally understand why the author is obsessed with his wife. It turns out that he is imitating Cao Cao and picking up second-hand goods (Mrs. Xue, Zhou Yuan, Mrs. Wen, the beautiful young woman). I guess the wife is also dying. What kind of mentality does the author have? Yuanyao Ziling Yanli is not better than these second-hand goods, at least they have soared.

Chapter 221, the paid chapter copies a large amount of the original text of mortals, don't you think it's offensive? Or is it a useless plot in the original work where Han Li comes out of Lingmiao Garden and appears in several small families to show off, and this is all just to waste the word count? Cheating money

What are the challenges and benefits of not accepting Nangong Wan?

Author, do you have a lot of ideas about married women? Why do I feel more and more wrong the more I read about it?

There is no Blood Jade Spider hidden in the Sea of ​​Stars. Show it to the disciples. When the disciples go shopping, they ask them to take them with them for protection? Are you really not afraid of being hunted down by Yuanying if the news comes out? What does the author think

Holy shit, a stallion is a stallion and a wife is returned.