Harry Potter: Legend of the Holy Temple

After reading about 20 chapters, I would like to make some suggestions. In the past six months, I have become obsessed with Harry Potter fan fiction, and I watch every work with good intentions. After all, it is not easy for the author to write a book, and my writing style will definitely not be able to do it. (Writers are all cultural people, I envy them.) As far as this novel is concerned, it is quite creative and it starts in a grade lower than Harry. It seems that the identity of the original plane has not been explained, but the fan identity has dug a hole. The Muggle parents should not be the biological parents, so is the protagonist pure blood? You need to watch it yourself😁 See Chapter 20 here 1: I think the emotional scene is a bit embarrassing for me. (To be clear, I have no opinion on whether there should be a single female protagonist, multiple female protagonists, or no female protagonist. I can accept it.) But the characters in each work must have their own emotions, that is, the female protagonist must have her own personality. The three female characters currently featured are too childish. 2: Since it is a Harry Potter fan, I think there should be a large number of people who come here for the magical magic, right? At least I am. Looking at the current progress bar, there is no clear explanation of how the protagonist learned the spells, not even a single mention. (For example, the blazing flames used to brew potions with Hermione in the Room of Requirement) 3: Regarding the refining of potions and the materials needed to refine potions. There is a rough description of the material problem, and there is only one sentence, which is that Mr. Weasley was commissioned to buy it. Tell me what you want to complain about. The potion ingredients are too careless. You are not familiar with each other at all. You only met once in Diagon Alley. Besides, their family doesn't have money to buy you potion ingredients, so you didn't give them any money either. The other one is that as a first-year freshman, I started brewing the sixth-grade potion. I can forcefully convince myself that I have extraordinary talent. But it's too cool to start innovating magic potions just two months into the school year. You don't have a golden finger yet. My exposure to magic was only two months before the start of school. Last one, the protagonist's character is not likable, he just doesn't have the ability and has to take the initiative to stir up trouble. For example, at the beginning, he took the initiative to follow Lucius to Diagon Alley with Harry, Ron, and Ginny. You don't know any magic at this time. Another example is that after successfully brewing the magic potion, Banban was used as an experiment, and afterwards he threatened Banban not to tell anyone! 😰Oh my god, Merlin. You, a first-year freshman who has been studying for three months, how do you get your confidence? The above are my thoughts after reading Chapter 20.

As for the heroine Hermione, you will find that as long as the writing is not bad, many people like to read it. As for those who say that the heroine Hermione is tired of drug addiction, they probably like the politically correct version. Haha, not all HP fans are popular about the heroine Hermione, they have even been cultivated since childhood, and there are only a few books and not many at all. Starting from the second grade of writing, sibling relationship is not a problem. The original character of Hermione is very independent, the kind who dares to love and hate. Writing the heroine Hermione is a test of emotional drama. A harem is impossible, and it is not cultivated since childhood, unless she is forced to intervene or start another story line separately.

Well, I feel that the author has written the combat power of Lao Deng, Ge Huang and Tom a bit low. Their combat power (if they are one-on-one with the Big Four) can probably be tied with them. After all, there is a difference between modern magic and ancient magic. Modern magic can cast spells faster than the Big Four. Usually, there are many magic spells mixed in when casting spells. The advantage of ancient magic is that it is powerful and takes a long time to cast. The actual combat experience of these people should not be low (although Tom and Helga may be relatively low, but not too different), and as Dracula is a vampire living in the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts, they have the obligation to defend Hogwarts, but it seems that they have not done it.

Let's add it to the bookshelf first. A suggestion to the author, don't lick Harry, and don't choose Hermione as the heroine. It's become toxic now. It's better to have something of your own.

I feel like the protagonist's mentality is very confusing! Is the author too self-inflated? Cursed wand? Creating a new potion recipe? These are no problem. In terms of setting, Merlin in the original book is a graduate of Slytherin. Of course, you can build a temple or something. But you are a young wizard who has just entered school and is still a time traveler. Aren't you afraid of encountering ghosts when you jump like this? Both Dumbledore and Snape are Legilimency experts, so why bother hanging around in front of them all the time? Knowing that the basilisk is roaming around the school, are you really not afraid at all? Why haven't you told Dumbledore yet? At least we have to remind him that the monster is a basilisk! And the deal with Dumbledore is even more nonsense. The school has its own Potions Master, and Madam Pomfrey also said that Harry's injuries could be cured in an instant. Why do I need your medicine? The author takes too much for granted. You said using magic potions to make profits, then why not create a magic potion that can relieve the harm of the basilisk? Wouldn't this sell better? The pursuit of power is the growth trajectory of the Dark Lord. You, a time traveler who knows the plot, cannot survive and develop properly. You are exposed to Lao Deng as soon as you enter school. Are you ignorant or fearless? Where is your confidence? I suggest that the author really thinks about the plot logic. If you don't have the strength, my suggestion is not to waste time, it's obscene and development.

It's poisonous, Slytherin's bloodline went to Gryffindor

Author, maybe because my personal views are different from yours, I have many questions. The most important thing is, why do I call my biological mother so naturally when I see her? I also can't understand that the president of the Thor Society did not find his son for 13 years after settling down. I have not finished reading, but I simply judge that this president is so powerful that she entrusted her first biological child to the Wiggins, but she did not find it after settling down? It's understandable if he is too busy, but he gave birth to a daughter and compensated Wiggins' love for his younger daughter. But is this because he knew that his eldest son was living in the Wiggins family and never found him? Even meet? Next is the point where I feel extremely awkward. I try to put myself into Louis' perspective. I can't say that I am full of hatred, but he should be relatively indifferent. But after meeting, my eyes filled with tears. I thought it was too outrageous, and he still called me mom so naturally? Where are the Louises? I hope you can answer my many questions. I'm really awkward. I'm a person who doesn't make do with blood, especially a mother. In my opinion, there is only one person in the role of mother, but it turns out there is one more. I really can't help but ask questions.

The protagonist is too arrogant. He threatens others and negotiates business with others. Please, does the protagonist have the capital or force? Does the protagonist have the qualifications?

Let's talk about what's going on with the hero's mother, and he has another daughter. But if my mother abandons me for thirteen years, has her own power abroad and has a daughter, after getting to know each other and chatting for a while, I will give them all a hard time. If a mother doesn't love her child, she doesn't act like a mother either.

I skipped reading until I saw the chapter where mother and son recognize each other. I felt bad all over. Something was wrong. I couldn't tell what was wrong. Didn't the author read it again?