Harry Potter: Legend of the Holy Temple

Fifteen hundred years ago, Merlin chose to leave behind the legacy of the temple to defend against the return of the forces of darkness. Fifteen hundred years later, a young man transmigrates here from another world, only to get caught up in all kinds of conflicts.

What? Dumbledore wants me to destroy the Horcruxes? Sorry, I have a use for them.

What? Voldemort wants to call me his brother? Sorry, I don't associate with people who have no noses.

Grindelwald was delighted to hear that, and taught me his favorite gas stove spell.

Slytherin was at a loss, wondering how he ended up saddled with this guy.

Terrible writing, clichéd plot, Gryffindor, starts with the Chamber of Secrets, irregular updates, and a hot-tempered author. You don't have to read it, but please don't leave snide comments.