Deer, You May Rub the Snow Leopard’s Belly

An early work, revised many times. The version on pirated sites differs from this one, so please support the official version!

Xueshan grew up listening to tales of the Sea God's realm. When he came of age, he said goodbye to his fathers and set out alone to find it.

Luckily, he found the legendary ocean without much trouble. It was every bit as beautiful and warm as his fathers had said.

Even luckier, there were silly antelopes freely delivering themselves to his doorstep every day! With an antelope in his mouth, Xueshan happily swished his huge, fluffy tail.

Qing had been rather troubled lately. The antelopes he raised kept mysteriously disappearing, and winter was coming. This couldn't go on. He was going to catch that shameless sheep thief!

But when he poked his head out and saw the little thief struggling in the trap, what he found was a beautiful snow leopard demi-human?

Qing had meant to teach the nasty little thief that honest work was honorable and stealing was shameful, but instead he cleared his throat and politely asked, "Ahem. Excuse me, beautiful Mr. Snow Leopard, are you free to have dinner with me tonight?"

Xueshan stared wide-eyed at the giant deer several heads taller than him and asked in disbelief, "Snow leopards are on moose menus?"

Before meeting Qing, Xueshan thought the only answer to his life's quest was finding the Sea God's realm. But spending his days making pottery, hunting, and growing mushrooms alongside this unfailingly gentle moose beastman made him realize that the realm might be impossibly far away. Perhaps the legend was already right beside him.

One day, the snow leopard lay on the ground and asked curiously, "Qing, why were you so nice to me from the moment we met?"

The moose, gazing at him with deep affection and revving up his voice like a motorcycle: "Because you're a thief. You stole my sheep, and you stole my heart."

The snow leopard, mortified and furious, unleashed a flurry of cat punches: "Stop being so cheesy all the time, will you?!"

Help! If you eat the neighbor's free-range sheep, do you have to marry him in return?

A seemingly aloof beauty who secretly loves head pats and tummy rubs, paired with a gentle, courteous man who's actually up to no good.

Check out my new story and add it to your favorites: "Surviving the Apocalypse with Low-Budget Videos"

Before going to bed, Ruan Dongjing came across AI-generated apocalypse videos and declared, "Low-budget videos? If the end of the world comes to Earth, I'd rather have none at all. Even a dog wouldn't want them!"

The next morning, the apocalypse hadn't come to Earth, but Ruan Dongjing had transmigrated to Skyball, where the end of the world had begun eight hundred years ago.

The oceans were flooded, the continents scorched by extreme heat, the forests drowned in endless rain, and the frigid regions buried in year-round blizzards. The only thing that couldn't survive here was humanity. Killer vines, ancient giant snakes, and apocalyptic sandworms were all thriving.

The native human population had dwindled to a tenth of what it was. Those who survived had developed all kinds of mutations. Some could run as fast as cheetahs, some could lift a building with both hands, some could transform into beasts dozens of meters tall, and some could even control the elements of nature.

Ruan Dongjing, however, was still just a frail, ordinary human from twenty-first-century Earth. Years of working overtime, constantly eating takeout, and staying up late to make up for lost time had left him as a weak, overworked drudge of a human.

The lucky part was that his AI-generated silly-video ability had come with him when he transmigrated.

The unlucky part was that his ability seemed even more low-budget than the videos generated by AI. He had to scavenge the raw materials himself, and what it produced was even worse than what the AI created in the videos.

Worse still, many of the things it made didn't last, and he could only make one wish a day.

To survive, Ruan Dongjing had no choice but to put on an authentic AI-sounding Chinese accent every day, stretch out his arms, and shout at the sky, "In the freezing wasteland, which house would you choose to live in?"

A shriveled potato house, with only a thin skin of potato for walls, ready to blow away at the slightest gust of wind;

A house made from somewhat mutated internal organs, with a bloodlike, sticky blanket hanging over a black metal bed and a fire that gave no warmth burning beside it. It might poison you;

A soft dog-fur house, lined with warm dog skin and even furnished with a cozy little blanket. The only catch was that it could fit just one puppy that hadn't yet grown up...

Furious, Ruan Dongjing hurled his last piece of flatbread. "The apocalypse is here. Choose the tool you want to die with!"

Haha, just kidding. He was so hungry he didn't even have the strength to hang himself.

Fortunately, collecting enough things would build up energy and let him upgrade his golden finger.

One stone could become three castles, complete with climate-controlled food storage and an armory;

He could conjure a train that ran without tracks, with a restaurant full of unlimited food inside;

He could even create weapons from a magical world imbued with supernatural powers...

For the sake of a better life, Ruan Dongjing sneaked around with his cats and dogs, scavenging trash and stockpiling supplies wherever he went. He pushed past his embarrassment and practiced his AI announcer voice every day, shouting at the heavens and earth. He racked his brains designing a beautiful home...

Though life was hard, he found joy in it, and discovered the beautiful side of this cruel world: breathtaking scenery, sincere and beautiful feelings, and a handsome, charming supplier?

Wait, excuse me, handsome and charming Mr. Supplier. Do try to behave yourself. This is just a cold, hard business transaction. I sell my skills, not my body!

Yan Xuan smiled. "Dongdong, why so heartless? You can't buy food, seeds, or even medicine in the cold marketplace."

Ruan Dongjing raised his gun. "That's true, sir. But you can't buy a hidden shelter, an armory, or even magical creatures anywhere else either. So, if we're going to keep working together, step away from me. And put that hand back where it belongs!"

Yan Xuan raised his hands helplessly. "How about this? You take a step back, and I'll take a step back too. Then..."

The Earth is round, and so is Skyball. If everyone keeps backing away, they'll end up in the same bed.

It's time to get married. Choose your love nest:

A hard peanut house, with lots of odd little skirts made of very little fabric hanging beneath red curtains;

An elegant water-ball house, with a soft, comfortable bed that perfectly conforms to the body;

A shriveled longan house. The bed is hard, but whoever lies on it seems to have endless stamina...

Yan Xuan looked thoughtfully at Ruan Dongjing. "So this is the kind of style you like, Dongdong? Then let's choose all of them!"

Ruan Dongjing, whose ability had suddenly gone out of control again, angrily kicked the house aside. "Let me explain! No, wait, let me explain myself..."

Theme: A good life is something you have to build with your own two hands!