My High School Crush Is a Proctologist

In his third year as a middle school teacher, Meng Yuan got his comeuppance for sitting too long while writing lesson plans: he developed a perianal abscess and needed surgery.

He really doesn't want to say much about how painful it was. After a digital rectal exam and scans, he was diagnosed and admitted to the hospital.

They say nine out of ten men get hemorrhoids, so Meng Yuan made peace with his condition.

On the day of the surgery, he couldn't help feeling embarrassed when he saw a group of doctors gathered around, examining his butt.

He reassured himself, "It's just an operation. It's no big deal. Besides, nobody here knows me."

But Murphy's law proved that the very thing you dread is often what happens. As he lay waiting for the anesthesiologist to put him under, a cool, deep voice suddenly called out, "Meng Yuan?"

If he hadn't been lying in a hospital bed, with his lower back a little numb, Meng Yuan might have leapt up from his deathbed and bolted from the room at top speed.

He immediately recognized the surgeon who had called his name: Gu Wenshao, the cool, handsome guy he'd confessed to more than thirty times in high school without success.

Since it was an anal operation, Gu Wenshao didn't make small talk after recognizing Meng Yuan. He simply said, "Take off your pants, kneel on the bed, and stick your butt out."

Meng Yuan fell silent at the instructions.

He and Gu Wenshao had been high school classmates.

Gu Wenshao was a fixture at the top of their grade, a cool and noble prodigy, a lofty flower on a cliff whom no one else could hope to match. So many people had confessed to him, and Meng Yuan was one of them.

By his count, they hadn't been in touch for eight years.

Meng Yuan had imagined their reunion countless times, but never in a million years did he expect it to happen in such an awkward situation.

Swallowing his humiliation, Meng Yuan took off his pants and stuck out his butt.

He didn't dare imagine what Gu Wenshao was thinking or what his expression looked like. He only knew that from now on, he would take much better care of his behind!

During the operation, Meng Yuan felt like a specimen as Gu Wenshao explained things to the other doctors: this was a hemorrhoid, that was a fistula, and both needed to be removed.

The scalpel kept going in and out. Meng Yuan used every bit of willpower he had to keep his sphincter clenched and stop himself from pooping.

That was the last shred of dignity he had left in front of Gu Wenshao.

Recovery after surgery was incredibly painful, and Meng Yuan secretly cried many times a day.

Unexpectedly, Gu Wenshao came by to check on him every day.

Meng Yuan was so embarrassed that he didn't know how to face him and just wanted to hide in the bathroom. But his mother, who had come to visit, was utterly oblivious. She dragged Meng Yuan over to Gu Wenshao and said, "Son, hurry up and take your pants off so Dr. Gu can check how you're healing!"

With the resolve of a man making a last stand, Meng Yuan took off his pants.

To his surprise, after examining him, Gu Wenshao brought him some fruit and said three things:

"Eat some fruit every day. It'll help you have a bowel movement."

"Do a hundred butt lifts every day."

"I'll come check on you regularly."

And so Meng Yuan began his daily rehabilitation routine of a hundred butt lifts.

Other people talk about romance and moonlight with their crushes.

Meng Yuan talks about poop, pee, and butts with his.

Other people's crushes say, "Good morning," "Have you eaten?" and "Good night."

Meng Yuan's crush says, "Have you eaten fruit?" "Have your bowel movements been going smoothly?" and "Did you do your butt lifts today?"

Their rather unsavory conversations bring Meng Yuan's love for Gu Wenshao back from the dead.

Now he's not even afraid to talk about poop, pee, and butts, so what's stopping him from confessing to Gu Wenshao?

He's bound to get rejected anyway!

The night before he is discharged, Meng Yuan gathers his courage and goes to Gu Wenshao's on-call room.

He meant to confess, but he gets so nervous that he acts first and thinks later: he lunges forward, gives Gu Wenshao a fierce kiss, and runs off.

Gu Wenshao: cool and refined, and the top proctologist in the hospital.

Countless men and women have tried and failed to pluck this lofty flower from the cliff.

No one knows that Gu Wenshao is obsessed with butts.

He likes shapely, full butterfly butts with beautiful curves: a rounded upper curve and a smooth line running from the waist to the lower edge of the butt, like butterfly wings. A light pinch makes the gluteal muscles flush pink.

Then one day, he performs hemorrhoid surgery on a junior from high school.

The young man's raised butt is so full and rosy that Gu Wenshao's breath catches.

He has never seen a butt so perfectly suited to his tastes. It's flawless.

Gu Wenshao remembers the young man and makes his rounds on time every day.

As they spend more time together, he realizes that his junior isn't just blessed with a beautiful butt. He's also adorable and endearing.

Gu Wenshao decides to pursue him once he's recovered and discharged.

But he never imagined his junior would be bold enough to flirt with him and then run away.

Even the normally cool and self-possessed Dr. Gu can't sit still any longer.

Meng Yuan believes that as time passes, Gu Wenshao will surely forget him.

One day, while holding a parent-teacher meeting at school, he unexpectedly runs into Gu Wenshao.

Gu Wenshao: "I'm here for my nephew's parent-teacher meeting."

Meng Yuan breathes a sigh of relief. Gu Wenshao is a generous man, so he definitely isn't here to settle the score with him.

But that night...

He's pinned down on the bed.

The man's cool voice rings out above him: "Take off your pants, get on your knees, and stick your butt out."

Meng Yuan: QAQ

Inspired by Douban.

Theme: People must stand on their own two feet and strive to make their way in the world.