Tianjin Is Too Complicated

(A cute little short story. The whole thing is drafted, and I'll start posting once it gets over 300 bookmarks.)

Cue the background music:

Dun dun dun dun dun -> dun dun dun dun dun up, dun dun lang dun dun dun lang dun, dun dun dun dun dun down

I came to Tianjin, and didn't learn a thing.

I made myself a mortal enemy, and now I call him big brother.

[Blurb]

Old Tianjin folks have a tradition.

It's called tying a baby doll.

When a married couple wants a child, they go to the Goddess of Heaven's temple and tie a clay doll to bring home and care for. When they have a child of their own, that child has to acknowledge the clay doll as their big brother.

Because of this custom, even though Chi Deshui is an only child, he's considered the second-born. He calls the clay doll his big brother, and everyone else has to call him Second Brother Chi.

In his senior year of high school, Chi Deshui had a falling-out with Guo Linchuan, the top student and class monitor, and they became mortal enemies.

Chi Deshui can't stand how Guo Linchuan always wears that devastatingly handsome, cold, aloof expression, pretending to be too cool for everyone. What a poser!

Guo Linchuan can't stand how Chi Deshui is always fooling around and never acting serious, constantly cracking jokes and jumping into every conversation. What a clown!

Then one day, Chi Deshui came home from school to take a shower. Grumpily kicking off his slippers, he started stripping down and cursing Guo Linchuan at his clay-doll big brother.

"Big Brother, lemme tell ya, that Guo Linchuan was showin' off in class again today. The way he explained that math problem, geez, even Newton would've had to change his name to Beef Stewton. Where'd that guy get such a pompous attitude?"

His doll big brother quietly listened as Chi Deshui cursed out Guo Linchuan.

Then, just as he reached the end of his rant, it suddenly spoke.

"Second Chi, I can hear you," said his doll big brother. "And put your underwear back on. I can see you, too."

Chi Deshui let out a shriek and fainted three times from fright. When he finally came around, he learned that Guo Linchuan had somehow become linked to his clay-doll big brother!

So here's the problem.

Even the cinema could've seen this coming!

Now he has to keep calling his mortal enemy Big Brother every day!

What is this?! What is this?! What is going on?!

Tianjin, where nine rivers converge, with three pontoon bridges and two passes.

This place called Tianjin is just too complicated!

Blurb finalized on May 25, 2025, UK time. Screenshots and WeChat records saved. Do not contact me.

Theme: Respect folk customs