Jjxx's Ass... Can It Still Be Saved?

My resentment toward JJXX could spawn a whole bunch of Special Grade Cursed Spirits

Pure revenge, with a taste for the bizarre. If you want to spare your eyes, don't click.

Sukuna's fourth hand was twitching. This wasn't a physical reaction from the thousand-year-old King of Curses, but his joints being forcibly twisted by Gege Akutami's latest storyboard. He stared at the dialogue box hanging in empty space, which showed a line from chapter 207: "Let me show you what love feels like~?"

"What a disgusting line!" Sukuna tore the dialogue box to shreds with one claw, only to watch the scraps piece themselves back together into something even worse: "Itadori's fingers taste so sweet~"

Suddenly, the entire space began to warp. The Creator, wearing a bucket hat, appeared out of nowhere, holding a strawberry daifuku from a convenience store. Gege Akutami (hereafter JJXX) bit through the mochi skin and said indistinctly, "Sukuna, it's time for your humiliation arc."

"I've had enough!" Sukuna formed a hand sign with all sixteen fingers. "Domain Expans, "

"Cut." JJXX crossed something out in his sketchbook with a pencil. Sukuna's domain suddenly turned into a pink Hello Kitty design. "Last week's reader survey said you need more gap moe. Starting today, we're adding more fanservice for the fujoshi."

A downpour suddenly fell from the void. It was the readers' tears for Satoru Gojo's death. The salty liquid drenched Sukuna until he could barely keep his eyes open. In a daze, he saw countless blades forming out of the tears. He abruptly realized they were the weapons that had pierced Suguru Geto's heart all those years ago.

"Surprise?" JJXX opened the latest chapter draft, revealing a sketch of Sukuna in a maid outfit on the title page. "Megumi Fushiguro's body's working out for you, right? Next month, there's a bath scene with Yuji Itadori."

Sukuna's cursed energy suddenly surged, but he found himself striking shoujo manga poses against his will. He watched helplessly as his fingers made a heart, and an embarrassing line came out of his mouth: "Yuji's blood... makes my heart race~"

"That's more like it." JJXX took out a phone and snapped a picture of Sukuna's predicament. "Coming soon to Twitter trends: #SukunaChansLoveStrategy?"

A storm suddenly broke out in the void. The tears shed by readers for Satoru Gojo's death rained down. Drenched in the salty liquid, Sukuna could barely open his eyes. Through the haze, he saw countless blades emerging from the tears and realized they were the weapons that had pierced Suguru Geto's heart all those years ago.

"Surprise?" JJXX opened the latest chapter draft, revealing a sketch of Sukuna in a maid outfit on the title page. "Megumi Fushiguro's body's working out for you, right? Next month, there's a bath scene with Yuji Itadori."

Sukuna's cursed energy suddenly surged, but he found himself striking shoujo manga poses against his will. He watched helplessly as his fingers made a heart, and an embarrassing line came out of his mouth: "Yuji's blood... makes my heart race~"

"That's more like it." JJXX took out a phone and snapped a picture of Sukuna's predicament. "Coming soon to Twitter trends: #SukunaChansLoveStrategy?"

When Sukuna finally regained control of his body, he discovered that the worldline had been rewritten. Shibuya Station had become a love hotel, Mahito was giving Jogo a manicure, and Yuji Itadori, the vessel Sukuna was supposed to tear apart, was winking at him in a sailor uniform.

"I'll kill you..." Sukuna's murderous intent took physical form, but turned into falling cherry blossoms the moment it touched JJXX. "How is this possible?"

"Because I'm your god." JJXX licked the strawberry jam off his fingertips and suddenly dragged Sukuna into the real world. The streets of Akihabara were plastered with Jujutsu Kaisen posters. To Sukuna's horror, his merchandise was selling like hotcakes: King of Curses hoodies, Sukuna ita bags, and even Sukuna-branded hemorrhoid cream.

Then came the most terrifying sight of all. At the Jump editorial department, JJXX was being held at swordpoint by three editors as they forced him to revise his manuscript. Sukuna laughed maniacally and raised his slash. "So you're nothing but, "

"Cut." A mechanical voice suddenly rang out in the real world. A higher-dimensional scene unfolded: a French publisher was demanding new chapters, the anime production team wanted extra scenes, and Shueisha's accounting department was calculating royalties. JJXX looked back amid countless chains, his eyes more despairing than any curse. "Welcome to hell. We're all puppets on strings."

Sukuna's slash ultimately landed on himself. When he woke again, he was lying in Yuji Itadori's arms, reciting his new line: "Would you like to make a contract with me, Yuji-kun~?"

In the void, JJXX stuffed antidepressants into his mouth and drew Sukuna's tears on the manuscript. Those teardrops turned into new blades and pierced Kasumi Miwa, who had just come back to life.

The End

Theme: No one can say no to Satoru Gojo. No one