[Football] I, the Next English Superstar, Make My Debut!

[Content warning: The main plot is about the scheming little brother ascending the throne. The romance is an ambiguous bromance with no confirmed relationship, and there is no CP in the ending. If you ship anyone, the scheming little brother is the top! Why choose a top-focused story? Because the scheming little brother is the top! Football is all about winning. If you can't win, you don't get to flirt with your teammates!]

Tongue-in-cheek blurb:

Episode 1: Reincarnated as a Brit by mistake

Episode 2: Bound to the Great British Golden Boy 101 System

Episode 3: A youth academy mix-up lands me at Chelsea

Episode 4: Bayern takes me in as its crown princess

Episode 5: I lose the palace intrigue and get kicked out

Episode 6: Barcelona gets me for free

Episode 7: At the World Cup, Southgate is my dad

Episode 8: Manchester United brings me back to England

Episode 9: Oh no, it's Ten Hag!

…

For what happens next, tune in as Portland tells you all about it.

The serious blurb:

My name is Portland, and the Great British Golden Boy 101 System bound itself to me the day I was born.

The System wants me to rise above a crowd of golden boys and make my debut in the center position before ascending the throne. Seems like a piece of cake to me. After all, I'm a pure-blooded Great British golden boy, a pure-blooded Englishman. My mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's mother was English, too. I can't even get into the British Museum without buying a ticket.

I'm just not sure why my path to the throne has been so winding. Every teammate, club, and coach I meet is completely ridiculous.

A bunch of *****. I'm going to ********, sooner or later****** (protecting the world of wholesome content, System has automatically muted this)

All right, that was just a joke. This is the real me: not as gloomy as Foden, not as polished as Bellingham, not as handsome as Rice, not as cute as Saka, but not as down-to-earth as Bubbles, either. My name is Portland, three syllables and all, and I'm the most ordinary of the Great British golden boys.

If I get on your nerves, tough luck for me.

…

Portland gives his hot take on England's nine princes vying for the throne: Kane, an old has-been. Alli, a flop. Rashford, a nightclub rat. Alexander-Arnold, a defender, go play somewhere else. Foden, my minced-meat dad. Bellingham, a royal favorite; without Real Madrid, he's nothing. Rice, loves shipping himself with people. Saka, not as handsome as me. Grealish, a party boy, he'll shake himself into a slipped disc sooner or later. Palmer, all hype. Mount, invisible.

Only I, Portland, am the chosen one!

Hurry up and launch my career so I can ascend the throne!

Bring football home!

A Great British golden boy who seems sweet and cute on the outside, but is sharp-tongued, mean-spirited, and loves being a pest. He has a strong sense of idol professionalism and management, and is a schemer to the core.

Content warnings: 1. The main plot is about the scheming little brother ascending the throne. The romance is an ambiguous bromance, and there is no CP in the ending. If you ship anyone, the scheming little brother is the top!

Theme: A feel-good power trip.