Can I Touch Your... Trash Can?

Zhaomu, an office drone who wanted to blow up the whole world after one too many days at work, received beta access to the open-world RPG The King of Trash Cans. The moment she opened her eyes, she had become a little raccoon in Beika Town.

According to the game's rules, all under heaven belongs to the king. Every trash can in the world, along with everything inside them, belongs to the little raccoon.

NPC trash cans are like gacha pools. Search one, and you unlock a teleportation anchor. The little raccoon rummages wherever she goes, randomly spawning in the bedrooms of NPCs who grant valuable skills.

Since she was playing a game, she might as well do whatever she wanted. Wherever the player went, from Beika Town to Sicily, everyone knew the little raccoon's terrible reputation

The little raccoon visited Gin at night and swapped his bullets for peanuts.

The little raccoon took advantage of Hibari at his house, then ran for her life.

The little raccoon yanked on Rye's hair and laughed at the Brit for going bald.

The little raccoon felt Daddy's pectoral muscles without paying, then complained they were too hard.

Some people thought the little raccoon shouldn't barge into other people's bedrooms to rummage through their trash cans, or suddenly appear while people were bathing or sleeping naked. She also shouldn't search without saying a word and then run off, as if love could just be passed around.

Faced with these accusations, the player replied: Every trash can under heaven belongs to the King of Trash Cans. You should be grateful I'm not charging you a trash-can usage fee. What did I do wrong?

If an NPC had a problem with that, she'd just throw him in a trash can too. Everything in the trash cans belonged to the little raccoon. Even the coldest hunks got stamped with a little raccoon emblem and turned into cats or dogs, forced to be her pets.

The men she picked up all seemed to be pretty boys who weren't keen on rummaging through trash cans. They always wanted to trade their faces and pecs for special treatment. The player, a former office drone hoping to exploit her pets in the game, found that a little troublesome.

It wasn't just the pets she'd picked up from trash cans. Some NPCs who hadn't liked her rummaging through their trash cans seemed to have forgotten that theirs was a purely transactional relationship. Whenever she popped her head out of a trash can, some overly friendly police officer would be dressed inappropriately and insist that she stop touching only the trash cans, stay, and touch something else before she left.

The clever player saw through this obvious in-game money-grabbing scheme at once. She flatly refused, sticking to her free-to-play strategy. Usually, she'd only give in to an NPC's enthusiastic invitation and touch him a couple of times before leaving, never promising to take responsibility. As if! Taking responsibility would definitely lead to the next step: tricking her into spending money to unlock the story. She would never spend a cent on this game!

#How I Became a Mary Sue by Rummaging Through Trash Cans#

#Even Though All the NPCs Turned Yandere, the Player Stuck to Free-to-Play#

#So What If They Turned Yandere? They Can't Beat Me Anyway#

#I Am! The King of Trash Cans! In Beika Town!#

[Warning]

A crossover of Detective Conan, Jujutsu Kaisen, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and Katekyo Hitman Reborn (mainly Conan and Reborn, with little Jujutsu Kaisen or JoJo plot). Everyone survives. Harem magnet, chaotic evil love-triangle showdown, plenty of vulgar content (?) and utterly ridiculous nonsense!!! Lots of unrequited feelings, multiple endings.

The player heroine has a chaotic good alignment and a massive golden finger. She really does rummage through trash cans. Please don't read if that's not your thing.

Just because the story uses memes doesn't mean the raccoon heroine is Stelle! This is not Honkai: Star Rail fanfiction either! The little raccoon and trash cans were inspired by real-life raccoons invading cities and rummaging through garbage, and have nothing to do with Honkai: Star Rail. (The timestamp of the first idea for a raccoon heroine who rummages through trash cans can be found in a post on a certain social platform: May 22, 2021, for a Jujutsu Kaisen fanfic.) The player is just your average passing chaos gremlin (many games, including Stardew Valley, let you find items by rummaging through trash cans).

Blurb written on September 30, 2024.

Theme: Protecting the environment is everyone's responsibility