[Western Crossover] A Bottle Adrift with the Kids

[The original blurb was for Detective Conan. The reason for the change is well known, so I won't explain. Read or skip as you like.]

Eris was a newly born consciousness of Earth, drifting aimlessly through the multiverse as she grew.

And so she drifted and drifted.

In her second month, she drifted to the Injustice universe.

Injustice Superman tremulously lifted the baby from the pit in Metropolis, believing her to be a gift from Rao.

"Eris, I won't let anyone hurt you again."

In her third month, she drifted to the Regime universe.

Regime Superman looked impassively at the baby girl crying in his arms.

"Fine. I suppose I can raise her."

In her fourth month, she drifted to Earth 3.

Owlman tossed the swaddled baby aside, finding it rather boring.

"She's just a child."

In her fifth month, she drifted to Earth 0.

After a thorough examination, Batman picked up the baby with a grave expression.

"Alfred, how do you take care of a baby who's still drinking milk?"

In her sixth month, she drifted to Earth -22.

The Batman Who Laughs merrily teased the child.

"Do you want to be Daddy's little Robin dog too? HAHAHA!"

The fathers who'd volunteered to raise her watched Eris grow up with contented smiles. The less willing fathers eventually came around too, swapping parenting tips in their parenting journal.

Sometimes, it was pure bragging.

No. 1, Injustice: My sweet girl made me a flower crown today!

No. 2, Regime: Eris spent the whole day helping me review documents.

No. 3, Owlman: The little one made coffee for me.

No. 4, Batman: Eris insists on staying up until I get home.

No. 5, The Batman Who Laughs: Little Eris drew me a picture!

Sometimes, it was passing the blame.

No. 1, Injustice: Which one of you taught Eris to use ketchup to fake her own death?!

No. 2, Regime: Not me.

No. 3, Owlman: Not me.

No. 4, Batman: Not me.

No. 5, The Batman Who Laughs: Not me.

But as they continued this never-ending, message-in-a-bottle-style parenting, Eris grew weaker by the day.

Because of the damage they had inflicted on Earth.

Injustice Superman held his sleeping, unresponsive beloved daughter and sincerely repented.

"I was wrong! I really was wrong! I hurt you!"

Regime Superman found the Gray Batman, his face ashen, and sought peace talks.

"We can negotiate new policies."

Owlman sighed and took his hand off the button for the quantum-state bomb.

"We shouldn't have raised a child in the first place."

Batman accelerated his research into time-space travel, planning to settle the score with those guys who hadn't taken proper care of their child!

The Batman Who Laughs... The fathers who learned the truth punished him with the righteous fist of justice!

Theme: A parent's greatest wish for their child is that they grow up safe, happy, and healthy