The Little Chef of Qingyun Mountain Stronghold

Having just lost her family, Li Yuanzhao is kidnapped by bandits on the road to exile and forced to become their chieftain's wife. In a fit of rage, she gets angry.

Luckily, the broad-shouldered, tiger-bearded chief has no interest in her undernourished little body. He gives his men a good scolding and plans to send her back that very night.

But Li Yuanzhao has no intention of suffering the hardships of exile again. A few thousand li back? Is she stupid?

Since she's already been kidnapped, she might as well lie low for a while, keep her identity hidden, and go down the mountain on her own later.

Li Yuanzhao rolls her eyes, throws a tantrum, plays the victim, and clings to the chief's leg until he agrees to let her stay.

The chief says gravely, "Our stronghold doesn't keep people who do nothing."

Li Yuanzhao swears her loyalty and puts her cooking skills to work, becoming the stronghold's cook.

Life in the stronghold is all food and drink.

The brothers are honest, down-on-their-luck men, driven to the end of their rope before the stronghold took them in, or bold-hearted men who charged in with a rush of righteous passion.

In their spare time, they bet on fighting cocks, walk their dogs, and go hunting in the mountains. Sometimes they go out to hit their targets, rob the rich to help the poor, then come home to a feast.

Surrounded by fresh, healthy ingredients, Li Yuanzhao puts her cooking skills on display, making the most of the mountains and rivers.

Grilled prawns, fish head soup, raw-marinated crab, wild vegetable dumplings.

Bamboo shoots braised in spring, roasted wild rabbit in summer, stewed pheasant in autumn, and venison shanks simmered in winter.

Aside from eating, Li Yuanzhao's greatest pleasure is watching the brothers train and taking advantage of her cute face to get away with her flirtatious antics.

As for the most outstanding men in Qingyun Stronghold, that would be the four chiefs.

First Chief Duan Xu, a retired veteran, peerless in martial arts, bold and loyal.

Li Yuanzhao: Hehe, a rugged mature man!

Second Chief Shen Jiusi, descended from a disgraced official, wickedly clever, and convinced that brains beat brawn.

Li Yuanzhao: Hehe, a scheming strategist!

Third Chief Jiang Changming, of unknown origins, silent and taciturn, and devoted to studying the strange and mysterious arts.

Li Yuanzhao: Hehe, a ruthless man of few words!

Fourth Chief Song Tingzhang, with a tragic past, gentle as jade, and always helping poor scholars.

Li Yuanzhao: Hehe, beautiful, strong, and tragic!

Li Yuanzhao loves pairing them up, writing stories about them, and once even got carried away right in front of the real people.

When the truth comes out one day, the four sworn brothers who usually look after her drag her into the meeting hall to "discuss the traitor."

Duan Xu: What? I'm rugged? I bathe every day. I'm smooth as can be!

Li Yuanzhao, indignant: Exactly! That's all made up!

Shen Jiusi closes the book and narrows his eyes dangerously: "Oh?"

Li Yuanzhao laughs awkwardly: "My second brother is as gentle as jade, a true gentleman, tall and handsome, bright as a jade mountain..."

(Half an hour later, Shen Jiusi is satisfied, while Li Yuanzhao's mouth is dry.)

Jiang Changming says nothing and reveals a hidden weapon.

Li Yuanzhao turns pale and quietly slips over to her safest fourth brother.

Song Tingzhang lowers his eyes, looking dejected. "Actually, this book isn't completely wrong..."

Li Yuanzhao, heartbroken, snatches the book away. "Who said that! Fourth Brother, don't believe it. I wrote all that nonsense when I was young and foolish!"

Shen Jiusi smiles. "So you admit it?"

Li Yuanzhao: "..."

What a green tea! A total green tea!

Reader's guide:

1) The setting is probably an alternate Song dynasty. I wrote the blurb early, and I'll revise it before the story starts, while trying not to change the jokes.

Theme: Persevere and survive against all odds