Investigator, Please Answer [Cthulhu]

To Miss Malinda, Legendary Investigator:

Good day.

We regret disturbing you after your retirement, but there is an important matter that requires your assistance with an investigation.

We have just received word that your newlywed husband, Mr. Cthugha, appears to be a high-level contaminant from beyond our world.

Southern California has gone without rain for more than seventy days. That's unusual, isn't it?

In any case, we need you to return to your duties as an investigator. Please report to the investigation bureau in your area as soon as you receive this letter.

General Investigation Bureau

June 29, 1890

Late at night, Malinda finished reading the letter by candlelight and casually set it on fire.

“I'm thirty, and I just got married. Can they acknowledge that and call me Missus for once?” Malinda rolled her eyes.

Her sweet and thrilling life as a newlywed had restored her youthful glow.

Her only little grievance was that her young husband didn't seem very good at cuddling afterward. He never held her for long once they were finished.

Malinda could understand. He was young, and still needed some training.

At that moment, he was getting dressed.

“Darling, where are you going? It's still more than an hour until dawn,” Malinda asked.

Cthugha hurried over to kiss her. “Darling, if I wait until dawn, it'll be too late. I'm going to work. I'll bring you a little cake when I get back.”

With that, he hurried out.

Cthugha raced all the way there, thinking, What's the point of having me around once the sun comes up?

Her young husband left without a backward glance.

Malinda sprang out of bed and rushed to the living room to call the General Investigation Bureau. “Hello, operator whose number I don't know. This is Missus Malinda. My husband is perfectly fine, okay? He's just a handsome young man who recently graduated from college and is very busy with his internship. Please don't come and disturb my married life, thank you.”

Operator: “...”

Malinda hung up and looked at yet another black goat kid brazenly wandering into her garden to graze.

She gave a cold laugh. “How could I not know what my husband is?”

Heroine: A legendary investigator, thirty years old, a clever and sexy beauty, and a fan of corny jokes. Her proudest achievement is punching eight tentacle monsters to death in one go.

Hero: A fake sun. He doesn't seem especially bright, though it's hard to say whether that's just an act. He looks ten years younger than the heroine.

Reading guide:

1. Looks like an age-gap romance with a younger man, but he's actually the older one.

2. The hero has a more impressive chest than the heroine.

3. A Western romantic version of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but with Cthulhu. Expect plenty of mutual secrets and deception.

Warnings:

1. The heroine isn't a virgin. She's had several relationships before marriage, and those former lovers still can't get over her after she marries.

2. A female supporting character may have an unrequited crush on the heroine. A curvy, beautiful blonde with blue eyes is just so captivating.

3. The hero might not have sex scenes early on. Perhaps he's “a master ventriloquist in the capital.” The exact setup will depend on the story once it begins.

4. Set in a lightly fictionalized version of the United States in the last century. Cthulhu-themed. The author has questionable morals.

5. More warnings may be added later.

Theme: Protect the Earth