I'm Done Living! I'll Crash Into Everyone

[The blurb has been archived as a Weibo screenshot, 2026.2.11]

"Unhinged, spoiled bottom x cold-faced, doting top" Unhinged antics

Blurb:

After five years of building a business from the ground up, Shen Tingyun finally took his company public on the Nasdaq. But at the very moment the exchange bell rang, he transmigrated into the body of a puppet emperor in the Great Sheng dynasty.

Shen Tingyun stared blankly. Where the hell am I?

I need to ring that bell!!!

After learning that he could return to the modern world as long as he died by any means other than suicide, Shen Tingyun began putting on a spectacular show of trying to get himself killed.

In the Empress Dowager's chambers, he pointed at the only eunuch loyal to him. "I hereby appoint you Princess-in-Chief. Slap her for me!"

The little eunuch tearfully slapped the Empress Dowager twice, leaving red handprints on her face.

The Empress Dowager clutched her burning cheek, eyes blazing with fury. "Shen Tingyun! Are you mad? I will depose you!"

Shen Tingyun: I couldn't ask for more.

At court, Shen Tingyun looked at the general commanding a mighty army, the Grand Academician who controlled the court, and Prince Chen, who coveted the throne.

He gave a wicked smile. "Close the doors. Send in Princess-in-Chief."

Slaps and curses rang out throughout the hall. "You foolish emperor! I shall carry out the late emperor's edict and depose you!"

Shen Tingyun: Hurry it up.

Shen Tingyun did his best to provoke the entire court and get everyone to come at him, but every assassination attempt by his opponents failed.

He fumed at their incompetence. "Useless! Is there really no one who can kill me?"

At last, he pinned his hopes on Qi Wujiu, Prince of Zhenbei.

Shen Tingyun: "Princess-in-Chief, attack!"

The little eunuchs were scared out of their wits. "This servant wouldn't dare."

Shen Tingyun: This guy has some serious clout? There's hope.

He grandly summoned Qi Wujiu to the palace to attend him in bed, and bestowed on him the rank of Answering Attendant.

Shen Tingyun: I humiliated you this badly. There's no way you don't want to kill me.

But not only did Qi Wujiu spare him, his rank kept rising, all the way from Answering Attendant to Consort.

Shen Tingyun: What am I missing?

He could take it no longer. "Qi Wujiu, are you even a man? If you've got the guts, kill me!"

Qi Wujiu impassively undid his sash. "As you wish."

A hand reached out from behind the curtains in an Erkang pose. "That's not the kind of 'kill me' I meant!"

Just let me go back and ring the bell! QAQ~

Theme: I'll kill myself