[Western Crossover] Serious Players Don't Steal Birds

[Blurb]:

Serious players refuse to steal birds! But... there’s nothing wrong with an unserious player stealing a bird, right? (Puppy-dog eyes)

1.

Two casual players were forced by the System to steal Robin, so

Xiu, Jie: Fine, here you go. (A real bird)

System: [I mean the vigilante Robin!!]

Xiu, Jie: What a hassle. (They steal Tim)

System: [I want the red Robin!!!]

Xiu, Jie: ? But that is him!

Ti: ???...

System: [The red one! The former Robin!!]

Xiu, Jie: This one. (Pointing at Red Robin)

System: ...

[Did we break the System again today?]

Yes, so we can relax.

2.

After finally returning from a parallel universe, Batman was ready to embrace the little bird who still firmly believed he was alive, only to discover

Batman: Huh? Where’s my son? Where’s that huge bird of mine?

Wonder Woman: Wait, has anyone seen my Lasso of Truth?

Green Lantern: Where did my power ring go? Barry, have you seen my ring?

The Flash: I haven’t... I only know the snacks in my fridge are gone...

Martian Manhunter: Um... and there are two Pikachu tails on your head.

Everyone: ...

Everyone: Catwoman must have done it!

Catwoman: Hey, I’m a victim too!

You think the Justice League are the only ones who got robbed? NONONONO. The Avengers discover

Iron Man: So... why would anyone steal my donut? They even took a bite out of it...

Hulk: Pants! My pants!?

Thor: No ordinary person could lift my hammer... Wait, where is my hammer?

Captain America: Um, is there some kind of tracker on my shield? I mean, it’s missing.

Spider-Man: How could anyone steal my wallet?! They’ll even rob your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?

Everyone: ...

Everyone: Loki must be involved somehow!?

God of Mischief: I’m a victim too!

At that moment, on the rooftop of Wayne Tower

Xiu and Jie, munching on baguettes, sneeze at the same time: Knew we shouldn’t have sat on the roof. We’re going to catch a cold!

3.

Red Robin mysteriously vanishes, and a large number of superheroes’ belongings are stolen, with some turning up at auction. Is this a distortion of human nature, or a collapse of morality??

Everyone notices a duo who call themselves Stolen Relic.

At first, the superheroes assume they come from a fallen civilization, until

Xiu: Honestly, I don’t like using heat vision. (Crosses her arms)

Jie: But it’s useful. By the way, does that make Superman our dad?

Xiu: We only used his DNA.

Jie: Just like with Conner.

The superheroes: !!!? Luthor!!!

Luthor, taking the blame out of nowhere: Hey!! I didn’t do anything!!

4.

Jie and Xiu’s excuses (strike that), explanations:

We only stole one bird from your house. Don’t be so stingy. I’m sure Your Highness Batman can be magnanimous and... and just give us the little bird! (Not the least bit justified, but still plenty indignant)

(This blurb is for reference only.)

Warning: OOC, original worldbuilding, messy timeline, written for the author’s own amusement, no pairings, pure mom-fan content.

There are a few tragic moments.

No character bashing. Suggestions are welcome. Please respect the author, and respect the characters.

It’s a Fourth Calamity! These two players have seriously abnormal thought processes!!! x3

The Joker kills from the start

Players’ interests come first x

Everything for Tim’s sake~

Theme: In the end, the players lost to their love for Tim