The Stolen Red Robin

Jokey blurb:

Look, I have to ask: I only stole one little bird from you. Why are you being so mean? We're so adorable, so how about letting it slide and giving us the bird? (Puppy eyes)

Wonder Woman: Seriously, has anyone seen my Lasso of Truth?

Hal Jordan: My power ring is missing...

Flash Barry: My snacks!! Where did they go!!?

Batman (after getting home): Where's my son? Where's my whole entire son?

Superheroes: Catwoman must have done it!!

Catwoman, framed for no reason: Hey!! I'm a victim too!!

Meanwhile, on the rooftop of Wayne Tower...

Xiu and Xie sneeze while munching on a baguette: Knew we shouldn't have sat up here. We're going to catch a cold!

Two couch potatoes are forced by the System to steal a robin...

Xiu and Xie: Fine, here. (They hand over an actual bird.)

System: I mean the vigilante Robin!!

Xiu and Xie: Red Robin. Easy. (They steal Tim.)

System: I want the red Robin!!!

Xiu and Xie: ? But this is one!

Tim: ???...

System: The former Robin in red!!

Xiu and Xie: This one. (They point at Red Robin.)

System: ...

[Did we glitch the System again today?]

Serious blurb:

The superheroes' possessions are going missing one after another, and Red Robin has disappeared. What kind of crisis is unfolding?

The Justice League notices a duo calling themselves "Stolen Relics."

At first, the superheroes think they're from a shattered civilization, until...

Xiu: Seriously, I don't like using heat vision. (Crosses her arms.)

Xie: But it's useful. By the way, does that make Superman our dad?

Xiu: We only used his DNA, that's all.

Xie: Just like with Conner.

All the superheroes: !!!? Luthor!!!

Lex Luthor, framed for no reason: Hey!! I didn't do anything!!

Out-of-character warning. This is a lazy, off-the-cuff story, written purely for fun. The goal is to steal little Tim away!!

No romance, not a self-insert romance, just pure mom-fan energy. You can consider it a Tim-centric story. ∽

It's basically a Fourth Calamity...!!!

The Joker kills someone right at the start! If you don't like that, steer clear!!

Theme: Just have fun!