I Really Didn’t Pet the Fuzzy Animals on the Beast Variety Show

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Coming soon: The Haunted Zoo Is Full of Extreme-Threat-Level Creatures, a horror-themed infinite-flow story set in a zoo. Come on in and play~ >3<

Cheng Zhiyu came down with an embarrassing illness. Ever since, he'd stayed cooped up at home and never went out.

Then one day, he transmigrated, and his illness came with him.

The moment Cheng Zhiyu opened his eyes, he saw a crocodile opening its enormous jaws in front of him.

Cheng, not scared but crying anyway, Zhiyu: ...

In his previous life, Cheng Zhiyu had already suffered from a tendency to cry easily. He never expected that after transmigrating, his illness would come with him too.

Cheng Zhiyu: "..."

Damn it, are you messing with me?

But that wasn't even the worst of it. After waking up, he discovered he'd become the seductive, wicked character in a certain novel.

The novel described the original character as beautiful on the outside and vicious within. He abused his dragon cub stepson, cheated after getting married, and joined forces with his lover to steal a border defense map and betray his country. When their scheme was exposed, his spouse broke his legs and threw him out. He ended up as food for the rats in the street.

Cheng Zhiyu: "..."

Fine, fine. So that's how we're playing it.

What other hidden buffs have you got? Bring them all on!

He'd barely finished complaining when an invitation letter dragged Cheng Zhiyu onto a family variety show. On the very first day, he received a mission notice and a huge gun:

The first parent-child game: Hunting on the Wasteland.

Cheng Zhiyu was dumbfounded.

Wait, hold on. Just hold on.

You people give guns to participants in a family game?

The kind that goes rat-a-tat-tat and shoots blue fire?

Cheng Zhiyu was a complete mess. Carrying a gun even taller than he was, he staggered onto the battlefield.

Meanwhile, on the wasteland livestream:

[Is this the precious human of Blue Star? He looks so delicious.]

[He can't even lift a gun. No wonder the species went extinct.]

[General Dragon must be so embarrassed to have a human like that as his mate.]

[I want to eat him.]

[Count me in.]

But then the scene changed. On the red wasteland, the weak human rolled up his sleeves, hoisted a Gatling gun onto his shoulder, and chased a whole field of wasteland rats, mowing them down with a loud rat-a-tat-tat.

The viewers were completely stunned.

But then the camera zoomed in.

The young man was crying as he fired. Shell casings clattered everywhere as tears and snot streamed down his face amid the smoke.

Cheng Zhiyu: "..."

This stupid crying disorder can go to hell!

Out of necessity, Cheng Zhiyu finished crying, wiped his eyes, then bent down to comfort the little dragon cub cowering behind him.

"Don't be scared. Daddy will protect you."

The little tyrannosaur, ready to show off: "..." Thanks, but I don't really need it.

But when he saw Cheng Zhiyu's eyes red from fright, the little cub lowered his head and put on a terrified expression. "Daddy, I'm scared~"

Cheng Zhiyu's heart melted. He scooped the little tyrannosaur into his arms and gently comforted him.

"Don't cry, don't cry. Daddy's here."

Meanwhile, the residents of the Abyss watching the livestream had gone wild:

[What kind of fairy-tale dad is this? Last time I hunted, I only killed a hundred mutant cockroaches, and my dad said I was an embarrassment and kicked me!]

[My dad just complains I kill too slowly. He never hugs me and comforts me.]

[Daddy, look at me! I'm your cub who got separated from you more than ten years ago!]

[Oh my god, the one above has no shame. He's obviously my dad!]

[Is this what they mean by fatherly love...?]

Cheng Zhiyu's special care for the little ones soon attracted the attention of several cubs on the same beast-themed variety show.

The little brown bear kept pestering Cheng Zhiyu to tell him bedtime stories.

The wasteland wolf cub clung to his leg, crying and begging him for comfort.

The little snow tiger fought the other cubs to claim the bed next to Cheng Zhiyu's...

Every night, the little tyrannosaur got so angry at being crowded out that he breathed fire. "Get away! He's my dad!"

Cheng Zhiyu quickly became famous in an unexpected way, becoming the dream dad the residents of the Abyss most wanted to steal.

When they found out he hadn't registered his marriage yet, even the divorced guest with a cub on the show began openly trying to charm him.

Cheng Zhiyu explained once a day: "I'm really not scared. You don't have to take such good care of me."

The beasts didn't believe him. They all pointed at his face. "You say you're not scared, but you cried!"

Cheng Zhiyu: "..."

This stupid illness is going to be the death of me.

At last, this whole mess caught the attention of his hapless husband. When the newest episode began, everyone was surprised to see on screen the marshal, who supposedly had a fear of cameras and refused all appearances and interviews.

He was cowering behind Cheng Zhiyu. As the young man went on a tear, crying all the while, he quickly pulled him into his arms.

In front of hundreds of millions of Abyss viewers, the man kissed the young man's moist red lips. "Baby, you were amazing. You protected me and our cub."

PS: Blurb, version 2.0

PPS: This is the longest blurb I've ever written.

PPPS: The cub isn't his biological child. He was really picked up on the roadside.

PPPPS: I might revise and patch up this blurb again whenever.

PPPPPS: Thank you so much for stopping by! A kiss for everyone who came in!

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Theme: Adversity can make people fall, but it can also spur them to soar.