Transmigrated into the Useless Dao Companion of Everyone's Favorite

I, Yue Bai Jun, am the number one salted fish in the cultivation world.

I have a mountain, money, and a wife.

My wife is gorgeous, just a little busy...

In the morning, she practices swordplay with her senior brother. At noon, she admires flowers with her junior brother. At night, she cultivates with her grandmaster.

Next month, she'll be heading to the Immortal Sect Tournament, where she'll embark on a melodramatic, thrilling love polygon with an Immortal Venerable, a demon lord, and a chosen one.

And me? I'm the eternal tool in their play, the useless husband at the side of a woman adored by everyone.

My wife says tenderly, "You're the only one in my heart."

I'm moved, even though I know she was playing a wet-shirt scene with the Sword Venerable under a waterfall this afternoon.

Whatever. I've made peace with it.

I know this is a flower-market harem novel, and I'm just an NPC.

Might as well lie flat, watch the drama, and ship couples while I'm at it.

So...

When my senior brother brings a spirit medicine, I hand him a collection of pickup lines: "This one, 'The moonlight can't compare to you,' is pretty flirty!"

When the Demon Venerable brings a magical artifact, I offer enthusiastic advice: "Next time, tie her up right away. My wife is into that!"

When the Immortal Venerable pretends to be aloof, I drop hints like crazy: "She likes being kissed by force. Seriously!"

At the bookshop down the mountain, I keep a real-time ranking of our couples' popularity, leading the whole cultivation world in betting on couples and shipping them.

Until one day, I discover...

My senior brother's spirit medicine is meant to treat my poor circulation.

The Demon Venerable's magical artifact is meant to keep me from getting hurt.

The Immortal Venerable's aloofness is an act, and he has hundreds of portraits of me hidden away.

And my wife, that legendary, gentle beauty...

While beating the "adulterers" to a pulp, she asks me in a chilling voice:

"You teach them how to flirt with me. Why don't you teach them... to stay away from you?"

Uh...

Could it be that I'm the one with the harem protagonist's script?

Goofy, laid-back salted-fish uke x hot-tempered, jealous beauty seme

Everyone has a one-sided crush on the uke. The seme is either beating up a love rival or on his way to beat one up.

The main story is written in third person.

Theme: Ordinary people deserve to be loved too.