[Crossover] I Ran Off to the Detective Drama Set After Earning Enough Guilt Points on the Bungo Stray Dogs Set

Jian Guihui was a beginner in the world of anime. One day, he died suddenly while staying home to play games. Turning into a ghost, he hovered briefly in midair.

Jian Guihui: "No way, come on! This is my first time staying up all night!"

The poor guy had only recently been introduced to anime by a classmate, and had fallen in love with a series of classic shows that had recently become hugely popular.

"Honestly..." Jian Guihui looked at the game frozen on the TV screen, a trace of resentment in his eyes. "It was just so fun that I decided to stay up all night. I never thought I'd be this unlucky... And most importantly, I still haven't seen what happens next!" Jian Guihui was gritting his teeth, though it wasn't as if a ghost could actually feel anything.

But when he thought of the unlucky game that had caused him to die, and all the friends who would be sad about his death...

"Still, dying from playing video games is so embarrassing, isn't it?! And I haven't even played that many games..." Thinking of this, Jian Guihui felt a wave of sorrow, although a ghost couldn't cry either. (Repeating for emphasis.)

Then, he was incredibly lucky and got bound to a System.

The moment Jian Guihui saw the System before him, his eyes lit up. Almost impatiently, he said, "As long as the mission requirements aren't too difficult, I'm in!"

The System had just found its ideal Host and hadn't even had a chance to pitch itself yet: ...

It paused in a rather humanlike way, then spoke in a crackling electric voice: "Hello, Host. I am... the 'Villain System.'"

"Oh, oh, oh?!"

"So your mission is to make me play a villain?"

Jian Guihui blurted out the answer, following the usual conventions of the thousands of novels he'd read.

The System's electronic voice stuttered again, as if it were at a loss for words, but it still explained, "Actually, I want you to earn the [Dislike Points] of key characters."

"Dislike Points?" The ghost tilted his head.jpg

"Literally. For example, if you enter an anime world you've watched, your mission is to earn the [Hateful Feelings] of characters with a lot of screen time or high popularity."

"Wouldn't I die really easily, then?!"

Jian Guihui thought of the popular characters in the few anime he'd watched, spent a second imagining what would happen if he offended them, then stared in shock.

"The System has of course thought of that..." the System said quietly in its electronic voice.

It was clearly a robotic voice, yet Jian Guihui could somehow hear its deep sense of helplessness.

"So the Host can create misunderstandings and let the key characters misunderstand you. Then, when the truth is revealed, they won't target you, while I'll still get the Dislike Points. Those points won't be returned, because the characters have already given up those feelings."

"...So my mission is to be a 'con artist of emotions'?"

Jian Guihui tried to make sense of what the System had said, then asked tentatively.

"..." The System was speechless at Jian Guihui's bizarre analogy. It secretly rolled its System-style eyes.

"Wait! That doesn't make sense!" Jian Guihui suddenly shouted.

"?" The System slowly typed a question mark.

"You said the truth gets revealed. What if, before that happens, my target's Dislike Points reach the maximum and they kill me? QAQ"

"...There's a reason the System chose you as its Host."

It didn't want to bind such an unreliable Host to do missions either, okay?!

The System didn't explain anything else. Instead, it brought up Jian Guihui's profile in front of them.

Jian Guihui slowly read it aloud.

"[Name]: Jian Guihui

[Gender]: Male"

Before he could finish, the System interrupted him.

"Sigh... Just look at the ability line."

"Okay." Jian Guihui obediently nodded, shifting his gaze to [Ability].

"[Ability]: 'I Am the Villain' (Partially Awakened)"

Jian Guihui immediately got excited. "System, is this an ability from the Bungo Stray Dogs universe?"

"That's right."

Maybe it was just his imagination, but the System's electronic voice sounded drained.

But Jian Guihui didn't notice, and continued excitedly, "Then... does that mean I, heh heh~"

He rubbed his hands together eagerly.

"What are you planning?" the System asked warily.

"Tsk, nothing. I just want to see what my ability does. I've lived in this world that puts science above all else for so many years, and I've never seen a supernatural ability before!"

"Science above all else..." The System repeated it, feeling a little speechless. You call this world one that puts science above all else?!

But Jian Guihui still didn't notice the System's muttering.

"System, System, you still haven't answered my last question~" Jian Guihui looked over hesitantly, clearly trying to fish for information about his ability!

The System looked at the ghost with all his thoughts written across his face, and couldn't help feeling concerned about how he'd complete his mission. But there was nothing it could do: "Your ability is passive. It will unconsciously make people dislike you, and when their dislike reaches its peak, it will let them see the real you."

"Then we're a perfect match!"

"Am I the chosen protagonist or what?!"

Jian Guihui yelled excitedly.

"..." The System was used to this by now, but it was still amazed.

After all, it had looked through Jian Guihui's life records from before...

He'd had a pretty rough life because of this partially awakened ability.

How could he be so optimistic?

The System had mixed feelings.

It was also growing concerned about whether Jian Guihui could complete the mission.

"This naive (pure-hearted) kid is going into the Bungo Stray Dogs world to act. At this rate, they'll even uncover that I exist... Bzzzt."

The System fell into electronic depression.

"Don't worry! Leave it to me! Acting is my specialty!"

For the first time, Jian Guihui flashed a confident, spirited smile.

"Daijobu, daijobu! When it comes to acting, I'm the best!" Jian Guihui patted his chest.

"..." Did you pay Gojo Satoru for the rights to that?

And what's with that fake-sounding Japanese, kid?!

But aside from believing in him and lending a hand, there wasn't much else the System could do.

This, is, the, divider, for, Jian, Guihui, tormenting, everyone

"Bang!" A deafening crash.

Blood gushed from the wound in his chest.

The white clothes could hardly be recognized as white anymore.

Covered in blood, the wound gaping open with flesh turned inside out, blood dripping drop by drop over his pale skin, the body pierced by one hideous, fatal wound after another finally began to lose its heartbeat.

"Is it... finally over?"

Jian Guihui sat cross-legged in the System's space, his little face pale. His heart gave a stuttering beat, a stabbing yet intensely vivid sensation.

"But... shouldn't Atsushi-kun be the one who came to see me die? Why was it Dazai?"

Jian Guihui propped his face on his hand, watching a broadcast of his own death in the System's space.

"Always causing trouble..." He pouted, but still turned away awkwardly, unable to bear looking.

In the end, though, he secretly watched through the gaps between his fingers.

"Host... you did very well."

A pure white, green-eyed cat slipped into Jian Guihui's arms.

As if to comfort him, the System gently patted Jian Guihui's cheek with its cat paw. "You did very well..."

"Really...?" Jian Guihui murmured in a daze. "I did well..."

"Maybe..."

A trace of regret crossed his face.

Was that... really his exit?

Outside

Dazai Osamu's coat brushed against the blood on the ground as he stared speechlessly at the young man lying in a pool of blood.

To his surprise, he was at a loss for words. "You did very well..."

He stood silently where he was, gazing at the young man's unusually peaceful sleeping face. His fingers dug hard into his palms.

"Too late... too late... If only... if only I'd noticed sooner... If I'd been more perceptive and thought more about what Ranpo said to you back then, would things have turned out differently, Hui-kun...?"

Suddenly, a white tiger ran in. Its steps were hurried, one leg dragging involuntarily, clearly badly injured. Even so, it ran with all its might, leaping straight into the alley.

The white tiger suddenly transformed into a young boy.

But before he could enter the alley, he froze in place. He stared at the blood covering the ground, then looked up in a tremble at the young man standing before him, straight-backed as if holding up the sky all by himself. His words came out in a jumble: "This can't be real... There's still time, right...? Doctor Yosano can...!"

His eyes were red, as though he were about to cry, and his voice sounded almost pleading.

"Dazai-senpai..."

"...It's too late, Atsushi."

Dazai Osamu lowered his eyes and crouched down in silence, helping the young man before him close those clear eyes, which had long since found peace and seemed to see straight through everything.

"..." Nakajima Atsushi tried to speak several times, but couldn't get a single word out. It was as if some force had silenced the whole place. There was not a sound; even a pin could be heard dropping.

Inside the System's space

"Heh heh... sob..." At first, Jian Guihui could watch the scene of his own death and manage a few little snorts while looking away. But by now, he couldn't hold back. Crystal-clear tears rolled down the corners of his eyes, streaming endlessly.

"Meow~" The cat in his arms kept rubbing against him, trying to soothe his feelings.

"I know... I know..." he murmured, his voice choked with sobs.

After a long while, he made a small nasal sound.

"System," he said.

"I'm here," the System answered.

"After I finish the mission, can you let me go to another world to take a breather...?"

"...Yes," the System said slowly.

They hadn't discussed this before, but to help ease Jian Guihui's feelings, the System decided to use one of its permissions to let him rest.

"...Thank you."

"...You're welcome."

The System watched the [Guilt Points] pouring into its account in the background,

along with the huge energy gains:

[Guilt Points] +10000 from [Dazai Osamu]

From [Nakajima Atsushi]...

And so on...

The System silently watched all those people who only realized it too late, sending it their Guilt Points...

Then it looked at the Dislike Points Jian Guihui had earned earlier, and, for once, thought that those people deserved it.

The next second, it crushed that thought. After all, this was just a mission for it and Jian Guihui. It was all fake... right?

That idiot hadn't actually gotten emotionally invested, had he?!

He was crying so hard!

Ah... damn it, this was trouble.

The System, speaking in the same fake-sounding Japanese, thought without realizing it.

Then it discovered, to its dismay, that because the missions were immersive, the Host had to grow up in each world and leave a trace of himself before the story began, so the world wouldn't treat him as an outsider and reject him.

So... obviously, there was no way to avoid getting emotionally invested. (??A`)

Danger!

The System felt a huge DANGER written on its forehead.

An alternate version: (An aside)

"So you're my System~?!"

"Ah... yeah."

"And what is the mission of a handsome, dashing, charming guy like me?" (strikes a pose)

"Make people hate you, die cleanly, then come back from the dead and give them a scare~"

... (After a long and serious explanation full of nonsense)

"So this is just a cliche story about being misunderstood, dying, coming back to life, and making the anime characters start a crematorium?" Jian Guihui scratched his chin.

"...Right."

"Reporting, Sensei!" Jian Guihui cheerfully raised his hand high.

"Speak!"

"Could the plot not be so cliche?"

One man and one ghost stared at each other.

"What do you think?!" the System said, one word at a time.

"I think..."

Jian Guihui twisted his fingers together. "Could I not come back to life in the Bungo Stray Dogs world and start a crematorium~?"

"Hmm...?"

The System, which had thought he was about to say something pointless, suddenly got serious. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I mean... I don't want to return to the Bungo Stray Dogs world after I die."

"Then what about the emotional points from that part...?"

"I'll earn extra points, and after I fake my death in future worlds, I don't want to go back there either."

Jian Guihui made a pleading gesture. "I'm not good at meeting old friends again at all."

The System paused, sensing that Jian Guihui was serious. After a long while, it nodded in agreement. "You're the one who gets to decide."

"Then... thanks, System!"

Jian Guihui bowed deeply.

"Hey, you don't need to bow at a time like this!"

"Huh? I thought it was a traditional when in Rome thing?"

The man and the System stared at each other again.

But who says the Bungo Stray Dogs characters can't start a crematorium just because Jian Guihui doesn't go back to the Bungo Stray Dogs world to come back from the dead~?

"Huh~ This place is completely different." Dazai Osamu kicked at the old brick under his feet and walked out of the filthy alley with a look of disgust.

In the blink of an eye, the scene before him had changed. How amazing!

"An ability?" Dazai Osamu tilted his head at the bustling crowd before him. "No." He shook his head again, looking a little disappointed.

"Wow, now that's a big production, a really big production~"

He blended into the crowd. "It's Tokyo~ Tokyo~"

He began to hum softly.

"Huh..." Ranpo adjusted the detective hat on his head and looked around in confusion. He'd been in the Detective Agency just a moment ago...

A thought flashed through his mind. He immediately pulled his glasses from his pocket and put them on with a click, then swayed out from this blind spot.

An enormous amount of information surged into his mind, like a raging sea.

But, "Ranpo-sama's ship is no tiny skiff!"

"It's clearly..."

He narrowed his eyes and looked at a bookstore by the road.

"Captain Nemo's Nautilus!"

"Heh heh, I see. Ranpo-sama understands everything now!"

[Bonus Skit, No Responsibility Accepted]

Ranpo looked at the discounted books on sale at the entrance to the bookstore.

He was about to go buy one when he reached into his pocket...

"Oh no..." Ranpo the cat froze.

He stiffly pulled out a 10,000-yen bill.

"Without the president... I need the president..." he kept repeating, then glanced unwillingly toward the cash register by the glass window and realized, to his despair, that the 1,000-yen bill didn't have old man Natsume on it either.

Ranpo: cat crying.jpg

President, you could've made so much money as an educator! Why become a samurai?!

(screaming.jpg)

But an educator? Hmm... Let's not get into that!

Nitobe Inazo, you're my only hope!

He shakily pulled out a 5,000-yen bill, almost moved to tears.

Thank goodness, I won't have to become a drifter in another world and work to survive!

Wait...

The 5,000-yen bill in this world has Higuchi Ichiyo printed on it...

Edogawa Ranpo, total failure!

Ranpo the cat cries into the wind: What is the point of this trash world, this chaotic timeline, this world born to torment me?!

Damn! Turns out I'm the clown.jpg

Ranpo returns in Student Part-Time Job Edition: Summer Time Rendering!

---That's all~

P.S. Tormenting people makes me happy, hey~

Posted on 2022.12.28

Theme: Let's put on a grand finale!