You're the Worst Batch of Protagonists I've Ever Had

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Upcoming: "The Bully Hooks a Good Person System"

Upcoming: "The Top-Tier Star's Voice Double Is Being Personified Again Today"

Complete: "The Holy Son Is Stirring Up Trouble Again Today [Western Fantasy]"

Blurb (please read the content warnings first):

Qian Zhou is an NPC. As an ordinary wage slave in a world, he has a script and lives a comfortable life.

That is, until a blockhead named Yan Heng barges into his life and puts an end to his good days.

Yan Heng snatches his script, squats in his home for free food and lodging, and even drives away the girlfriend assigned to him by the script.

Qian Zhou: "I heard you ran away with your fiancée to protest an arranged marriage?"

Yan Heng: "Yeah."

Qian Zhou: "You turned your fiancée into your junior sister, fine, but why did you have to drive away my girlfriend?"

Yan Heng: "...Then how about I make it up to you by giving myself to you?"

Qian Zhou: "I wouldn't be opposed."

Later, Qian Zhou discovers that this blockhead, who channels spiritual energy through his middle finger, is actually the protagonist of a certain wuxia world. Sent by his world, Yan Heng has to bring back a companion to save it.

Qian Zhou: "Why is your world about to be destroyed?"

Yan Heng: "Because I refuse to marry the daughter of the martial arts alliance leader, so the plot can't continue."

Qian Zhou: "...Then what use am I if you take me back? Are you going to force my head down so I can bow to your bride?"

Yan Heng: "As my substitute bride, you can marry me... Why are you hitting me?"

Later still, Qian Zhou discovers that all sorts of strange things seem to have infiltrated his world.

Espers, vampires, beast tamers... Even Yan Heng's master and junior brothers have arrived with their sect.

And they all have the same mission: eliminate Yan Heng.

Esper: "Didn't see that coming, did you? You're not the only one with powers!"

Yan Heng gives each of them a vicious smack and sighs in disappointment. "You're even harder to teach than my junior brothers."

Vampire: "Man, your blood smells delicious."

Yan Heng punches him and the glass window, sending them both downstairs. He says coldly, "Sexual harassment. I'm calling the cops."

Bystander: "Why does it look like you're completely useless?"

Qian Zhou: "How could I be? Have you heard the story of the princess and the knight?"

Bystander: "You mean you're the princess and he's protecting you?"

Qian Zhou: "No, I'm the knight's sidekick. If the sidekick steals the spotlight, how's the knight supposed to win the princess's heart?"

Yan Heng: "Qian Zhou, come home."

Qian Zhou: "Okay."

Administrator: "I told you not to steal the spotlight, not to steal the knight's heart!"

Highlights:

1. A snarky, supposedly straight NPC top x a single by choice with an unconventional way of thinking. Qian Zhou x Yan Heng. Dumb couples are a lot of fun.

2. None of the jokes in this story are aimed at other authors or their works. Some of these tropes are ones I love using myself.

3. There are various oddball side-character pairings. Readers with lots of triggers, strong cleanliness preferences, or who only read one sexuality should proceed with caution! Not suitable for readers with extreme character allegiances.

4. The plot exists to serve the (not very funny) comedy and jokes. Don't take it too seriously.

5. The top and the girlfriend assigned to him by the script were never together, and had no feelings beyond friendship. The same goes for the bottom and the junior sister.

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Check out my upcoming novel, "The Bully Hooks a Good Person System" (refined scoundrel top x insecure, wolfdog-like bottom)

After a catastrophe, one-tenth of humanity ascends to godhood, while the remaining nine-tenths of unlucky souls are forced to stay in the lower realm, surviving one ten-year trial after another.

Jiang You, a legendary figure who has taken the crown in the trials for decades in a row yet still remains in the lower realm, is visited by the "Good Person System."

And so Jiang You is forced to embark on the long road of practicing modern morality, while also getting entangled with a cold-faced little rascal he hasn't seen in years.

A bully robs people of resources, then kicks over the premium seafood congee Jiang You spent the whole afternoon making, nearly splashing Xia Yinliu.

Veins bulging at his temple, Jiang You smiles and gives the bully a hard slap. "Don't waste food."

The System reads in a flat voice: "We must win people over with virtue, not resort to violence."

Jiang You plants a kick in the bully and buries him in the ground, where he can't even be pried out. "Martial virtue is virtue too."

System: "...Fair enough. Go ahead and beat him up."

Bully: "?"

Xia Yinliu receives a family assignment to go to the lower realm and rein in Jiang You, the murderous god who runs amok, using the Good Person System.

Everyone knows that the young master of the Xia family in the upper realm, Xia Yinliu, is a man of few words and wields a heavy sword with incredible skill. But few know that his silence, his love, and his hatred all come from one person.

Xia Yinliu hates Jiang You so much his teeth ache, but if he actually saw Jiang You ground into the dirt, he couldn't bear it.

So he alternately makes trouble for Jiang You and files false reports to his family. Maintaining his split personality is exhausting, but stirring things up is fun.

Until one day, Jiang You pins Xia Yinliu beneath him and bites the tip of his ear in reproach. "What are you really after, you little rascal?"

Xia Yinliu falls silent and doesn't say a word, no matter what Jiang You does.

The next morning, Xia Yinliu wakes up aching all over and meets Jiang You's gaze.

Jiang You waves the glowing communication screen and gives a mocking smile. "Had a good sleep, System?"

Theme: Don't cling to conventions.