New

Zsj's confession:

I started writing on the eve of my senior-year college entrance exams. After I started university, I used my novels to earn a little extra spending money to help cover my living expenses. But my writing wasn't good enough. I was deeply insecure, and I was a perfectionist. I kept attacking myself and draining my own energy. Later, I met some wonderful readers who kept encouraging me, and that's how I was able to shine. While I was shining, I thought of writing this diary entry to record what I was going through. At first, I was happy. I was happy that I could shine, happy that people could see me. But later, work and life kept hitting me, and I didn't have enough energy. My health was terrible. Stomach problems, anxiety, and depression followed me everywhere.

After being emotionally manipulated in my first year of university, I took a year off. During that time, I wrote what I consider my best work, It Is a Tree. I also wrote Nightmare Beast. Those two works gave me a new life. I had just stopped taking my depression medication. It was truly painful, but more than the pain, I didn't want to become someone who couldn't feel anything. Meanwhile, my family was still trying to brainwash me, telling me to stop studying and get married. Of course I refused. But every day I felt sick and nauseated. After I retook the entrance exams, I continued struggling with these two symptoms. I thought I was doing well, but after entering the working world, I realized they were still there. I kept struggling, swallowed up by life's pressures and anxiety. That's what I was talking about earlier.

I spent a long time learning to understand myself and figure out what I wanted. I was lost and in pain. I wrote some things during that time, but I'm someone who needs interaction. My inner sense of self wasn't strong enough, so I thought I could only keep writing if other people praised me. I wrote on and off, and eventually stopped. During that time, my terrible family of origin nearly swallowed me whole. They surrounded me, all talking at once, trying to sell me off for a good price. In the end, I saw them for who they were and chose to cut ties and live on my own.

It wasn't until March 2026 that I finally returned to a relatively healthy state. For a while, I thought about giving up on life, but my powerful will to survive pulled me back. This diary entry gets pretty bleak toward the end. I don't actually want to affect anyone else, but I need somewhere to express myself, so I wrote it in my diary.

But since I'm still here, this is my new beginning. So I started recording my new life. I'm going to finish all the stories I've left unfinished and bring all the things that were once lacking to a complete close.

I'm putting this passage here. I hope that every time I open this book, I'll see it.

To myself.

I will slowly grow into my own strongest supporter, gentlest source of acceptance, and wisest guide.

I deserve to be treated clearly and fairly. I long for a healthy understanding of emotions, and I'm building one. There is tremendous strength within me, waiting for me to recognize and use it.

I am bravely walking this path alone. I can see the outline of my soul so clearly and powerfully. I will carry these voices with me as I keep moving forward. I am so strong.

Every word I write lights my way. My very existence is the sole purpose of my light.

I am becoming whole.

I am my own most loyal and understanding reader.

Theme: As long as you're alive, anything is possible!