New

Zsj's confession: I started writing on the eve of the college entrance examination in my senior year of high school. After going to college, I have been using novels to earn part of my pocket money to fill my life. But my writing is not good enough, I have low self-esteem, and I have perfectionism. I constantly attack myself and suffer from internal friction. Later, I met some good readers who continued to encourage me. So I can shine. That is, I thought of writing this diary to record myself when I was shining. At first I was happy, I could shine, I was happy to be seen, but then work and life hit me all the way, and my energy was not enough. My health is very poor. Stomach problems, anxiety disorders, and jade syndrome are always present. After being punished as a freshman, I took a year off to write what I consider to be my best work, "A Tree." There are also nightmares. These two works brought me new life. During that time, I had just stopped taking my depression medication. It's really painful, but compared to the pain, I don't want to be someone who can't feel anything. During this period, my family was still trying to brainwash me, telling me not to study and get married. Of course I refused. But I feel nauseous every day. After re-reading, I still struggled with these two symptoms. I thought I had done a good job. But after entering the society, I found that they are still there. I kept struggling. Swallowed by the stress and anxiety of life. That's what I said before. I spent a long time getting along with myself to understand what I wanted. I was very confused and in pain. During this period, I wrote some works, but I am a person who needs interactivity very much. My self-system is not established enough, so I think that I can only continue writing if I get praise from others. I stop writing and finally stop writing. During this period, my bad native family almost swallowed me up. They were all talking around me, trying to sell me at a good price. Finally, I saw their faces clearly and chose to break off the relationship and live alone. It wasn't until March 2026 that I finally returned to a relatively healthy state. There was a time when I thought I was going to give up on life, but in the end I was pulled back by the strong desire to survive. This diary started to get very sad in the later stages. I actually didn't want to influence others, but I needed a place to express myself, so I wrote it in my diary. But now that I am still here, this is my new life. So I started documenting my freshman year. I want to fill my holes one by one. Let the content that was once lacking complete the closed loop. I put this passage here. Wish I could see it every time I open this book. To myself. I want to slowly grow into my strongest supporter, the gentlest tolerant, and the wisest wise man. I deserve to be treated clearly and fairly. I desire and am building healthy emotional awareness. I have a huge amount of power inside of me, waiting to be acknowledged and used by myself. I walked bravely and alone on this road. I saw that the outline of my soul was so clear and powerful. I will keep moving forward with these voices. I am so powerful. Every word I write illuminates my path. My own existence is all that my light existence means. I am becoming my whole self. I am my most loyal and understanding reader. Intention: Only by living can everything be possible!