A Guide to Raising a White Qilin

■Upcoming: "The Gacha Journey Begins with Cross-Dressing" and "Wei Lan"

"Best Friend Rescue Plan: Starting with a Save-Load"

■My friend Luopu's works: "Killing Two Birds with One Stone" and "The Lost Cat in This World"

I am Shibusawa Tatsuhiko, also known as the "White Kirin," a well-known straight shooter in a dangerous ability-user anime, and one of the three plastic besties in the White Triangle.

The System played dirty, abandoned me after cheating me out of my points, and dumped me more than a decade before the story even began.

The scriptwriters who would later ruin my life were still little kids, and I had already decided to lie flat and give up, keeping far away from Yokohama in hopes of surviving until the finale.

As it turned out, I was too naive. This world is full of malice.

Even as a child, I have to raise a bunch of terrible adults.

I looked at Boss Dazai, who had landed in the wrong era. He was locked in a battle of wits with a "cat" brought home from some shady pet shop, arguing about the ultimate question of magical girls. Darkened Ranpo, who was also skipping around the timeline, was cheering him on.

Boss Dazai: Inspiration! Charm! Psychology!

Darkened Ranpo: Randomly select one lucky person and gift them a dice girl.

So you two are problem players in a tabletop RPG after all. Is making your own eight-sided die really allowed in CoC?!

I pinched my philtrum and downed the fast-acting heart medicine Yakugen had prepared.

In the Dreamlands, the pineapple-haired guy had just picked up one of Lovecraft's incarnations, and now he was dragging home a drunk dimensional witch.

To support them, I worked diligently at my abacus, taking jobs day and night. Even the heartless XXX shed crocodile tears when they saw me.

We went on a trip, and it turned into one of those classic three-choice scenes with a certain elementary school student.

Some washing-machine-haired guy: The real culprit is

Me: Oh, sure, sure, it's me. Giving up.jpg

Ayatsuji: You just got stabbed and you're bleeding out! Shut up already

Mastermind: Do you like the beautiful new world I've woven for you?

Me: No. Do you want this blessing for yourself?

A kind Russian rice ball invited me to help change the world.

I said sure, then tried to talk them into destroying it instead.

I'm a kid myself, yet I'm stuck raising other people. I'm done. Let's destroy everything.

Because if I don't fight back, I'll really have to marry a god! We can't have this feudal superstition

Please note:

1. Some plotlines are old-fashioned and melodramatic, but delightfully angsty. The story also crosses over with some obscure anime.

There is a child-rearing arc in the middle: raising Akutagawa, Atsushi, and Gin, while leaving Sigma to fend for himself. (This has since been moved to the sequel.)

No pregnancies, but there is life-creating technology.

2. The scriptwriters are obsessed with tearing into each other, while the protagonist loves watching the drama. There are original elements, so some out-of-character moments are inevitable.

3. The early chapters include tabletop RPG and Lovecraftian elements. They won't affect your reading experience, and the RPG content drops sharply once the mastermind is revealed.

4. The protagonist has a lot of unrequited crushes on them. There are love triangles and dramatic breakups. The ending is a true ending, and it's most likely no pairing.

5. This story covers the protagonist's most painful years. The more heartwarming sequel is "White Kirin's Guide to Ending the World." Please add it to your library.

Coming soon: "The Whole Forum Is Watching Wei Lan Fall in Love," a sweet romance and child-rearing story about Wei Lan. The couple will never have a bad ending.

"The Gacha Journey Begins with Cross-Dressing": secret identities, livestreaming, layers of twists, and a behind-the-scenes protagonist.

Check out my friend Luopu's "After All My Secret Identities Got Bad Endings, I Was Forced to Mourn Myself"

Coming soon: "The Literary World's Greatest Debt Collector"

I am Naoki Sanjugo, a literary giant.

At least, I was when I was alive.

After I died, I was reincarnated in the Imperial Library as a product of alchemy. I personally witnessed the librarian's entire transformation, from cafeteria lady to textile worker, and then the librarian threw me out of the library.

I put down my grilled wani and sighed under Akutagawa's resentful gaze. Grilling wani in the courtyard: what a beautiful death.

And so, accompanied by Kikuchi Kan shouting "Pay me back!!!!" and the Shirakaba literary group's young couple riding their bicycles into the water, I got lost in strange, forbidden books and took my love of borrowing money to new heights. I racked up a debt of 350 million in one go and ran off with my little sister-in-law (not really)!

Little (famous) sister-in-law (work): Save me!

I have a lot of creditors.

Creditor Number One is the fourth son of a prominent family. He became depressed and withdrawn, and isn't nearly as fun as Little Cherry. When we met again years later, he had, unsurprisingly, become mentally ill.

Creditor Number Two isn't one person, but five policemen. Apparently, they were all in the same graduating class. But after one short period of hibernation, I never had to repay that debt again.

Creditor Number Three is an army medic who lost his beloved daughter and comrades. Later, he went into organized crime and had a love-hate relationship with his fellow disciple. He's also a creepy lolicon.

Creditor Number Four is a red-haired insomniac (?) who dropped his sword just as I finally found my conscience and decided to pay him back.

Damn, so does that mean I don't have to repay them?

"The Whole Forum Is Watching Wei Lan Fall in Love"

One day, a post went viral on the forum.

"Click here to watch zw lose it: The brand-new BSD IF route is now being serialized!"

Three hours later, the forum exploded.

[Holy crap, am I seeing things? Did Verlaine hit his head? Why is he grabbing his partner and calling him his wife?!]

[What the hell, this is a road I never expected anyone to take.]

[One of life's three great dilemmas: If your wife and your mom fell into the water, who would you save? The French wooden-head edition. And after the explosion, if your wife and your little brother fell in, who would you save?]

[Wei Lan fans are ecstatic! This is confirmed, right? This is confirmed, right? Sweet couple, lock it down!]

[Verlaine takes Chuuya away, the Flags and Koda Inosuke survive, the police academy crew all live, and the Red Group's sword-drop incident becomes a butterfly effect. Quick, say thank you, Verlaine!]

[Thank you, Verlaine! (loudly)]

[Wake up, poster above! You're mixing up your shows!]

Verlaine: (turns off the computer, pinches his philtrum.jpg)

After being caught in the explosion that gave birth to Arahabaki three times, and reading all of zw's work, Verlaine fought the urge to assassinate the author. He worked tirelessly to win over his beloved, finally got their marriage certificate, then got sent back to Yokohama by a meteorite.

On his left was his wife, who had lost her memories again (Rimbaud). On his right was his newly born little brother (Chuuya). He thought of his wife and brother's miserable 996007 work schedule at a certain port organization, then remembered the future of his lonely older brother in the basement, and came to a profound conclusion.

Verlaine: Only kids have to choose. Adults get everything.

And so he grabbed them both and ran.

From then on, the new BSD IF route went completely off the rails, turning from an ability-user anime about outsmarting each other into a daily-life romance.

While the Three-Part Plan of Yokohama was being drawn up, Wei Lan were having a candlelit dinner.

While Jinpei Matsuda was defusing a bomb, Wei Lan were kissing on a Ferris wheel.

While the Red King was dropping his sword, Wei Lan were walking Chuuya to and from school.

Verlaine: ...How is any of this daily life? Can't people just let me have a normal romance?! Why does some kind of disaster happen every time we go on a date?

And what the hell is this forum? Why are you calling my wife your wife? Don't you have your own wives?!

The forum was just as confused.

[Why does Verlaine always run into some kind of disaster every time he goes on a date?]

[Everyone, a new scriptwriter has emerged. As expected of the messenger of the storm, a transcendent who kills without batting an eye!]

[Why overthink it? Ship them! Everyone, ship them! Let your brains fly away! Wei Lan is so good!]

[zw! Please give us more of this kind of madness!]

"The Cross-Dressing Streamer's Gacha Journey"

I'm Mori Mari, an utterly ordinary cosplayer. My real name doesn't matter. One day, when I was cosplaying as my original character Mori Mari at a convention, I broke through the dimensional barrier and stepped into a crossover world, becoming a cross-dressing guy.

I was also forced to bind myself to a bizarre gacha system. Every day, I pull off incredible stunts like killing myself, cheating on myself, and beating myself up, all while livestreaming it to the real world. :D

The good news is that I'm a cosplayer, so I shouldn't be too out of character... right?

Mori Mari looked at all the cards drawn through their operations: a corrupted uchigatana, a mute poet, a gloomy sky, a child version of a true liquor, and a whole series of bonus tragic-romance side cards. Their vision went black.

This time, the System is forcing me to go out of character.

Mori Mari: Smiling through the pain.jpg

[She is the youngest leader in the history of the Port Mafia. She inherited a broken organization from her father and wanders endlessly in the cracks between worlds.]

[See the cat next to her? That's one of the Port Mafia's top members in Bungo to Alchemist, a poet, but he's mute. (demonic whisper)]

[Stop twisting the knife, stop it, shut up, ]

[Tsuna's feeling much better today! Has he been getting enough rest?]

[Ahhh, Souza's looking over here! Honey! Look at me!]

[Gin, put down the gun! You're still a kid, ]

[Um, does no one have any questions...? Why are characters from different series all gathered together...?]

[...]

[...]

[...Don't ask.]

They are wandering travelers, exiles who can never return home.

Mori Mari: Actually, it's all me. Thanks. :D

Mori Mari, forced to keep wearing a skirt to maintain their character, opened their planner with a heavy heart and wrote the first line of their plan to return home.

The first step to settling in Yokohama: create (rebuild) an organization (the Port Mafia) and put all my secret identities in it.

Theme: Self-redemption