I'm the Villain, So Could You All Take This Seriously?

Bai Xiqiao was reborn.

When he died in his previous life, he learned that he was a minor villain who got killed off early in a CEO romance novel.

He had lived a spoiled life, only to belatedly learn from the book that everyone hated him.

He was sure he had never hurt anyone, but when he died, they all celebrated.

How could he give them what they wanted?

If he was doomed to be a villain, then he might as well be a proper one. If he couldn't enjoy a good life, neither would they!

He tried to frame his stepmother, who had spoiled him rotten, only to be caught by her trusted subordinate and pinned beneath him, trembling.

He deliberately shoved the hypocritical older brother his stepmother had brought home into the water, only for the man to use the chance to blackmail him and bully him in a corner until he didn't dare make a sound.

He sabotaged the company of his fickle fiance, Mu Xichu, but President Mu caught him in the act, pinned him to the bed, and frightened him until he choked back sobs.

He picked fights wherever he went and never learned his lesson. His clueless mind kept leading him into traps, leaving him powerless against those who bullied him.

So what if he was wicked? Wicked people deserved a chance to live, too.

Knowing he wasn't strong enough on his own, he decided to find an ally: Chi Yi, the ultimate villain who made it to the very end of the novel.

When Chi Yi first met Bai Xiqiao, he thought the man lived up to his name: fair-skinned and beautiful, with an even whiter brain. You'd need a decade of blood clots in your brain to come up with something that fantastical.

The second time Chi Yi saw Bai Xiqiao, the man had failed to harm someone and wound up being tricked himself. Chi Yi casually said a few words to help him, never expecting the idiot to cling to him from then on.

Chi Yi made use of him, bolstering his own power, while also bringing a little human warmth and kindness to his lonely heart.

But then the little fool changed his mind.

Bai Xiqiao: It was a misunderstanding, all of it! This isn't the world I used to live in. I took revenge on the wrong people. Is it too late to escape from the big bad now?

Chi Yi gently closed the door: What do you think?

P.S.:

1. [Important]: The uke is a super popular heartthrob, and also extremely stupid, irredeemably stupid, a beautiful idiot.

2. Chi Yi is the pairing. He appears later in the story. They both have feelings for each other. One-on-one romance, happy ending.

3. Spoiler warning: There are parallel worlds.

Please add my next historical light novel, My Lord, Send the Troops Already, or I'll Become Queen, to your reading list!

Blurb:

A super-cautious spy working for five kingdoms + a brilliant, peerless, sickly seme = If you're so capable, let's settle this with physical strength.

(King of Wuxu: You still can't beat me at that.)

My name is Wuxiang. I'm an assassin.

I used to be a model young man living in the 21st century who believed in science. Then, for no reason at all, I ended up in the unfamiliar age of the Five Kingdoms. My companions told me I was an expert at light-footed movement, swordsmanship, disguises, throwing concealed weapons, brewing tea, cooking, and staying up all night doing embroidery on the human body, commonly known as the art of secret bedroom games.

Funny, I'm an expert at those things, too.

I can do parkour, wield a tai chi sword, put on face masks, take out the trash, make instant noodles, and stay up all night on my phone, commonly known as the essential skills of a modern lie-flat youth.

The world is in chaos, and the times are calling for brave young people. So my lord, the crafty and treacherous king of Wei, sent me to Wuxu as a spy to gather intelligence.

First year undercover

Me: My lord, this king is sickly and about to die, and the whole country is in chaos. When are we sending troops to take Wuxu?

King of Great Wei: No rush, no rush. Find a way to infiltrate the enemy's inner circle.

Second year undercover

Me: My lord, I've been promoted again and again. I've sent you Wuxu's border defenses map. When will you send troops and bring me back so I can be made a marquis and prime minister?

King of Great Wei: No rush, no rush. Become a trusted aide to the King of Wuxu as soon as possible, and get as much important intelligence as you can.

Third year undercover

Me: My lord, if you don't send troops soon, I'll be queen...

King of Great Wei: No rush, no rush. Whisper in his ear and turn the King of Wuxu against his own side. Make him submit to Great Wei.

Fifth year undercover

King of Great Wei: Wuxu's army has reached the royal capital! Why didn't you send us the intelligence sooner? Find a way to assassinate the King of Wuxu!

Me: I roasted the carrier pigeon. It was delicious. What were you saying... Oh, pigeons from the other kingdoms have arrived, too. Perfect, we'll have a family portrait.

Every kingdom on the continent wants to unite the realm, making the spy industry fiercely competitive. I, an utterly ordinary wage slave, somehow ended up working five jobs at once.

How embarrassing. The one at home has a pale complexion and loves coughing up blood.

One day, the King of Wuxu, panting after every few steps, slapped a secret letter down in front of me. "Why are you in close contact with the kings of the other four kingdoms?"

Isn't it obvious? "I'm an inclusive sort."

"Tonight, I'll teach you what 'inclusive' really means," the king said with a smile that concealed a knife.

"No, Your Majesty, let me make an excuse. No, wait, let me explain..."

Theme: Evil people get what they deserve. Don't think a small act of evil is harmless.