The Villains at the Futu Tavern

++ A cute pet fantasy danmei novel is coming soon in my column: All of Interstellar Is Cultivating Immortality. Please add it to your favorites! Let me say again, it's fantasy danmei. The blurb is at the very end.

+++ Another upcoming novel in my column: the historical xianxia story What Can I Do to Make You Fall to the Dark Side, My White Moonlight? Please add it to your favorites! Click into my column for the blurb. A melodramatic master-disciple story that won't disappoint.

++ [Blurb for this novel] ++ Sun Suwan transmigrates into the body of a sickly, divorced woman and accidentally binds herself to a gourmet-taming System. Her targets turn out to be a group of villains.

A murderous, fickle princess, a demonic cult leader who drinks human blood, and a ferocious bandit: every villain could easily crush frail Sun Suwan, who can't even take care of herself. How could they possibly be tamed so easily?

But before long, a restaurant called Pagoda opens in the capital.

The restaurant serves everything from squirrel-shaped fish and Dongpo pork to poached chicken and pork stomach stuffed with pine nuts. Diners flock there in droves, lining up in a long queue.

But why are the restaurant's employees so fierce-looking?

Sun Suwan rolls up her sleeves at the sight, and the staff immediately stand at attention. Then they bow at a forty-five-degree angle, flash eight white teeth, and call out in unison: "Welcome!"

Now that's excellent service~

*

Xie Song, Grand Tutor Xie, holds power over the entire court and is the hardest villain to tame, so Sun Suwan has never dared approach him lightly.

But one day, he shows up on his own, sits down with a gloomy expression, and orders a taro bubble milk tea.

In the restaurant, the villains watch with schadenfreude, eagerly hoping that Lord Xie will avenge their past humiliations and become the villains' last bastion of resistance.

Who could have guessed that the next moment, the usually decisive and ruthless Grand Tutor Xie would silently shed two lines of tears in front of everyone and say in a trembling voice to the innocent-looking Sun Suwan, "Wife~ I know I was wrong."

The villains: Damn! The whole army has fallen!

Sun Suwan: All right, all right, stop acting. The mission is complete. That's a wrap!

[Bonus scene]

Xie Song: Wife, don't be mad.

Sun Suwan: I'm not mad.

Xie Song: But you just sighed.

Sun Suwan (rubbing her forehead): I was breathing!

Happy ending, one-on-one, both virgins.

[Blurb for an upcoming novel] Yun Yan, a celebrated talent of the immortal sects, is framed and sealed inside a crystal coffin.

The day the seal is broken, he slowly opens his eyes, only to find that the whole world has changed. Countless bizarre creatures have surrounded him.

Every one of these creatures is tall and imposing, with blue faces and fangs.

Sensing danger, Yun Yan raises his sword, ready to fight to the death.5

But as soon as he moves, the strange creatures start screaming wildly: "Aaaah! It's alive! Mom! I can see a human! He's so cuuute!" (excited.jpg)

Yun Yan: ...

*

As the last human in all of interstellar space, Yun Yan expects his life to be miserable. But then...

He accidentally scrapes his skin...

A mechanical turtle yells at the top of its lungs: "Ah! Cut off some of my flesh and use it as medicine for him!"

He catches a chill and sneezes...

Dry Ice Girl: "Sob! I shouldn't have gone near him. I'm guilty. I should kill myself to atone."

A shortsighted imperial ruler looks down on him...

All the creatures slam the table and roar: "...How dare you be so ungrateful! If you don't apologize, we'll rebel!"

Yun Yan: ...? Everyone, stay calm!

*

Yun Yan is so thoroughly pampered that he's constantly on edge. Feeling he ought to show his gratitude somehow, he decides to teach the creatures immortal arts.

But although the creatures seem overjoyed and agree, they don't actually believe Yun Yan knows immortal arts. They fool around in class and just go through the motions.

Until a pheasant that has learned the slightest bit becomes a phoenix, a civet cat forms a core and takes human form, and a long-haired dog gains the power of lightning...

That human isn't just beautiful and rare. He can also use the legendary immortal arts!

The news spreads, and all of interstellar space erupts once again. Some even hear from who-knows-where that dual cultivation with Yun Yan helps one break through, and kneel before him to propose.

Right in the middle of a proposal, the imperial ruler, the strongest man and the only one who has ever looked down on Yun Yan, suddenly appears. He transforms into a giant dragon, coils around Yun Yan, and roars amid flashes of lightning and thunder: "He's mine! If you disagree, fight me!"

Yun Yan: Is that so? Then I accept your challenge!

Imperial ruler: ...!!! Don't mess around!

[Reading guide]

Proud little immortal lord bottom x short-tempered dragon bro top

One-on-one, happy ending, both virgins. A cute-pet cultivation story with an abundance of fictional worldbuilding. If that's not for you, don't read.

Important warning: no content warnings are provided! If you're worried about potential triggers, don't read!

Theme: Treat others kindly, understand their hardships, and learn to forgive and be tolerant.