My Only Line Is 'Big Brother'

When I woke up and found I'd transmigrated into Vodka, I was utterly devastated. First, I'm a law-abiding young man with all the best qualities. I've never even touched a real gun, and I don't even know how to take off the safety. Second, I just witnessed a crime and instinctively called the police. They're speeding over right now. If I can't get out of here in three minutes, I'll have to choose between prison food and a bullet from the boss. And worst of all, I don't have a driver's license. (Forced smile.) The boss in the back seat still hasn't realized how serious things are. He lifts his eyelids and looks over at me, then coldly says, "Drive." My mind goes blank for three seconds, then I pull out my phone and search: Which pedal is the gas, the left one or the right one? The search engine replies: [The Character-Acting Support System reminds you: the keyword "drive" has been triggered. Please showcase your exquisite talent for language within three minutes and tell your Aniki a dirty joke to break the awkward silence!] ...It's become sentient. I'm sure of it. No, wait... Things are already going to hell from the start, and you're still asking me to get myself killed?! >>> Just like how nobody recognizes Superman when he puts on glasses, nobody recognizes me when I take mine off. Now I'm facing a huge problem: Gin seems to want to start a relationship with me, the glasses-free person claiming to be Vodka's lover, and one that definitely wouldn't pass censorship... This thick-browed guy actually wants to take his subordinate's wife for himself! What do I do? Asking online. It's urgent. The best qualities of a good-looking, well-rounded person are: A beautiful heart, beautiful speech, beautiful actions, and a peerless, stunning beauty hidden beneath sunglasses. Good health, a good appetite, a good attitude, and friendliness toward others, plus, my brain must be great to come up with this kind of filler! Extensive personal headcanons. OOC warning. Screenshot taken on 6/25. Theme: Be brave, my friend.