[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure] Excuse Me, Is Something the Matter, Parent?

[OOC, goofy alternate-universe slice of life, unrelated to the original plot, with mountains of headcanons]

[CPs are only among the adults. Everyone, human or otherwise, has a one-sided crush on the protagonist. The kids are just kids, so even when they flirt, it's all innocent childish talk.]

[They're all single dads. I bow my head and apologize to their original canon partners.]

I smoke, drink, and get into fights, but I'm a good man. After graduation, I became a teacher at Golden Dust Kindergarten.

The class is full of weird little brats, and not one of their parents is a normal person.

Kars: Wamuu got beaten up again. Are you going to do anything about it, teacher?

Diavolo: My Trish is the cutest kid in the whole kindergarten. If you disagree, come argue with me.

DIO: Wryyyy! Diavolo, get lost! My Giorno is the cutest!

Joseph: You said our Josuke's birthday is coming up? What day is it? How come I don't know?

Jotaro: ...Here, take this dolphin. Jolyne needs it for her nap.

Me: Why do these little brats have so much damn trouble? I'm done! I'm quitting! I'm going home to inherit my fortune.

Teacher Caesar grabbed me in sheer panic: No, you can't quit. I really can't handle them by myself.

Diego: Inherit???????!

Theme: Aren't single dads just the best?