My Secret Identities Can't Possibly Be This Problematic!

[This story has undergone major revisions. The comments may not match the current text.] [It's not very well written, so I don't recommend buying it all at once. If you don't like it, run!] Blurb: I'm Arisugawa Byakuya. Right after cosplaying Dazai, I accidentally transmigrated to Yokohama and got bound to a System. #Scenario One: Transmigrated while cosplaying Dazai# Secret identity: Dazai 1 Faced with a boy who had a vicious glare, was dressed all in black, and didn't even have eyebrows, how could I dare say a word? But hesitation leads to defeat, so I turned around and gave him a head pat. The boy immediately collapsed. A freebie, achieved! 2 To keep my pocket-sized partner from beating me up and to ensure we both grew up healthy, I cleverly gave him what he liked: a green hat, made with safe, non-toxic, additive-free dyes. Then I unleashed my all-purpose, gentle-style barrage of praise: "Chuuya, you're so gentle when you don't hit people! I love it so much, mwah!~" My partner was so shocked he briefly lost his mind. Me, I survived. #Scenario Two: Transmigrated while cosplaying Akutagawa# Secret identity: Akutagawa My black-hearted boss gave me my usual beating. I couldn't take it anymore, so I hit him with a wild-dog flying kick and sent him spiraling into the sky. Me: "..." I took the money from my unconscious boss, picked the lock and sneaked into his room, grabbed his luggage, and helped him defect. #Scenario Three: Transmigrated while cosplaying Chuuya# Secret identity: Chuuya I, the Port Mafia's gravity manipulator, stand over 1.9 meters tall. Big Sister Kouyou: "OMG! You grew again??" (So shocked she forgot to speak Japanese.) Dazai: "A genetic mutation!?" (His eyes went dull.) Mori: "Maybe leave the hat off. Spare everyone else the embarrassment." (Said earnestly.) #Scenario Four: Transmigrated while cosplaying Atsushi# Secret identity: Atsushi After being kicked out of the orphanage and left hungry, I saved Dazai, who had thrown himself into the water. When he still hadn't woken up after a long while, I thought for a second. Then I silently stripped off his coat and sold it to Akutagawa. With the money, I ate thirty bowls of ochazuke. "Burp." Life in disguise is more exciting than you can imagine. Next up, I'm writing this: I Became a Paper Character Being Wooed Blurb: [Third-person narration] For a long time, I had a vague feeling that there was something different about me and everyone else. . Late at night, a strange pale-faced young man (♂) would crawl out of my bedding and gaze at me passionately. "Sorry, I'm not that kind of easygoing man." As I said it, I kicked him out of bed. . In my spare time, I was watching TV when static suddenly filled the screen, and a handsome young man in white poked half his body through it. "Are you here to deliver a package?" When he said no, I scowled and pulled the plug, successfully trapping this rude intruder inside the screen. . I went back to my hometown for a visit. A little boy covered in ketchup suddenly sprang out of the well where I was drawing water and challenged me to a staring contest... By reflex, I turned the bucket upside down over the unfortunate kid's head. The bathwater I'd just drawn went to someone else. "You don't have to thank me too much. Really." . What I didn't know was that they'd all come after me because they wanted my body... My real identity was the heartthrob paper character in a dating game from the world of ghosts... Theme: Even when your peaceful life is disrupted, stay positive