[Detective Conan] Police Academy Simulator, but You're from Gotham

Also known as "Gothamite's Guide to Surviving Beika", "My Dice Goddess Could Not Possibly Be This Cop Right in Front of Me", and "Why Is My Translator So Unreliable?"

[Detective Conan] Police Academy Simulator, but Your PC Is Batman

* The protagonist is not Batman and is not a weird cosplay transmigrator, just a pure chuunibyou

* Can't talk about how this relates to the story's jealousy just yet, OTZ

* Mainly Detective Conan, with some DC content. Not knowing DC may have a tiny effect, since the whole story is full of DC references. If that doesn't bother you, it won't affect your reading

* An Anko otome novel, mainly featuring four-fifths of the Police Academy group plus the Whiskey group

* Although the blurb makes it seem like Hiromitsu gets a lot of screen time, the pairing is undecided. It might be one-on-one with everyone else as friends, or it might be everyone sharing a bed (no)

You died,

then you came back to life.

You logged out of the Earth Online Simulator.

You didn't die, you just quit the game.

A System calling itself KP found you and let you enjoy a simulated second life in a Conan-style life simulator.

Once you beat the game, you could log out and truly come back to life.

You: .

You: Did the magic side invade Gotham again?

You: Damn kidnappers, why abduct an utterly ordinary Gotham citizen like me?

You: Where's Batman? Help!

You: Summon Batman gesture.jpg

The System brought you a die that would decide your fate in the game. His name was Scotch.

He had a lovely voice and spoke with cold indifference.

He was especially cold and merciless whenever he rolled a critical failure for you.

As a Gothamite, you created a Batman as your game PC.

The final character design was a young man with black hair and blue eyes who looked about sixty percent like you.

You: Sogasoga, so I'm Batman (puffs out chest.jpg)

System: ? No, you're not.

You: Oh, oh, I get it. Our genders are different, right? Then he's the gender-swapped me!

You: Watch your attitude. I'm Bat-Man now. (Disapproving Batman stare.jpg)

He only looked sixty percent like you because, first, you'd changed your hair and eye color, and second, the different art styles made you hard to recognize.

The art style was decidedly more Asian,

and everyone knows foreigners are face-blind when it comes to Asians.

System: Anyway, you're still a woman right now...

You: I get it, I get it. I identify as a woman psychologically, right?

You: It's all about being politically correct, politically correct. After all, the Wayne family, Gotham's top dogs, are one big exercise in political correctness.

System: No, you're a woman disguised as a man.

You: ? What kind of melodramatic web novel is this? How can you assume my gender?

My gender is a Walmart shopping bag. You can't define my gender.

You: My official ID lists my gender as X (third gender).

You entered the game.

You: What a long character profile. What a boring backstory.

You: Skip, skip, skip like crazy.

A black-haired, blue-eyed young man with catlike eyes appeared before you. He looked kind of familiar 🤔 Had you seen him somewhere before?

It really was you, Richard Grayson! The young cop from Bludhaven, Bruce Wayne's adopted son, and the eldest young master of the Wayne family.

Following your heart's desire, perhaps because your PC was Batman, you asked:

“Dick, will you be my adopted son?”

Your black X-brand translator helpfully rendered “Dick” as “chicken.”

Many years later, you looked at the seven-year-old black-haired, blue-eyed boy in front of you, dressed in a suit and looking like the only son of a rich family. He was currently following you with great enthusiasm and planting bugs and trackers on you. You blurted out, “Drake, are you going to urge Morofushi to come back and be my Robin, then, when he refuses for the sake of the greater good, volunteer yourself to be Robin?”

The black-haired, blue-eyed little boy in a blue suit and red tie: ?

When the Police Academy term began, Hiromitsu Morofushi met a strange classmate.

On the first day of school, the classmate asked whether he wanted to be his adopted son. Hiromitsu Morofushi took it for a joke.

Later, he learned that this person had scored just one point below Zero on the national civil service exam, ranking second at the academy. He naturally paid a little more attention to someone so capable.

(The player, who never took the exam: OvO)

As they spent more time together, he also discovered that this person was usually unsmiling and always carried himself with composure.

(The player: I'm just cosplaying Batman, doing my best to play my PC.)

He didn't seem to like talking to people much and was always muttering to himself.

(The player: What player chats with NPCs?)

Whenever he spoke to him, this strange classmate would stare at him in a peculiar way. Sometimes Hiromitsu Morofushi sensed an inexplicable resentment in that gaze.

(The player: Damn it, the Scotch die rolled another critical failure!)

No matter what the situation, this strange classmate would alternate between being impressive and being a complete “train wreck.”

Sometimes he was so impressive it seemed that the one point he fell short by on the national exam had been intentional.

Other times he was such a “train wreck” that all his earlier achievements seemed like an illusion.

Was he “playing the fool to catch the tiger,” as in that Chinese saying his older brother had once mentioned?

During practice, he could put all five bullets through the same hole. But when the instructor showed up, every shot missed the target, and some even hit other targets.

(The player: Because I rolled a critical success during practice and a failure when the instructor showed up! This stupid game. If this were real life, I could hit the bull's-eye every time.)

During a first-aid class, he punched the wound of his blond childhood friend.

Zero: ?

Strange classmate: .

Another curly-haired classmate: Pfft, hahaha! Nice one!

Strange classmate: Blame your childhood friend if you want. It has nothing to do with me.

Hiromitsu Morofushi: ?

(The player: I just rolled a critical failure on first aid! This is clearly Scotch's fault, right?)

You: My firearms instructor was Deadshot!

Curly-haired NPC: Pfft, hahaha! What kind of chuunibyou name is that?

You: .

Black-haired, purple-eyed NPC: So what's the connection?

You: Everyone knows Deadshot is the world's deadliest marksman, the most accurate shooter, an unparalleled sharpshooter, and a notorious mercenary and professional assassin...

Everyone: ... This is getting more and more ridiculous.

Everyone: There he goes with the chuunibyou stuff again.

You: But he's a legendary marksman in his character description.

You: What everyone doesn't know is that whether Deadshot hits depends on whether the writers want him to. It's like how the writers may or may not remember that the third Robin is a detective, or that Batman's no-killing rule is flexible. If they remember, it exists. If they forget, it doesn't...

You: Schrodinger's detective, Schrodinger's no-killing rule, and Deadshot's Schrodinger's perfect aim.

You: In conclusion, the author not wanting me to hit can't be changed even by a critical success from the Dice Goddess.

Curly-haired NPC: You make it sound like we're in a TV show.

You: Why not a comic?

Black-haired, blue-eyed NPC: Because Yuer-kun said “writers” earlier, didn't he?

You: So?

Black-haired, purple-eyed NPC: Like Morofushi said, people who write movie or television scripts are generally called screenwriters...

Blond NPC: If it were a comic, you'd just say comic artist, right?

You: .

You: Right, right. Culture shock.

You: Actually, I might be in a novel, but you guys are definitely in a comic.

You: After all, you didn't appear in the live-action adaptation (cheerfully).

(The player, who didn't even remember the NPCs' names, thinking: Who's Morofushi?)

Reader's Notes:

1. This is a semi-Anko story, and some plot developments may be influenced by the author's unseen hand.

2. This isn't a typical Bat-family kid story. The protagonist falls somewhere between supervillain and antihero ( ).

- Not knowing DC won't affect your reading; Detective Conan is the main setting.

- There will be lots of DC references and dark humor, though. Feel free to ask if you don't get something.

3. The main text is written in the second person, with a little bit of fourth-wall-breaking player behavior.

4. You, the player, are not Batman, but your PC is Batman.

- The player is the player, and Batman is Batman.

- Batman himself will appear later on.

- Explore the main text for the specific details.

5. No Lovecraftian elements, and you don't need any tabletop roleplaying experience to follow along.

- The “KP” in the story isn't a Keeper from a tabletop roleplaying game. It's just a System named “KP.”

- The story only uses dice and a few terms.

5.5 The old, melodramatic trope of a woman disguised as a man, but not in the usual way (?).

- Although this is an otome novel, the protagonist's gender is a Walmart shopping bag (seriously).

- The kind where the gender on their driver's license is X.

6. The protagonist treats this place like a game, has no scruples, and has questionable morals. Full player mindset.

7. Apologies for the chaotic tags and OOC characterization.

8. No stockpiled chapters and no outline. We'll just see where things go.

9. Warning: canon characters will be put through the wringer.

10. Warning: no logic and lots of absurdity.

11. Warning: dark humor.

12. Warning: occasional fourth-wall breaks.

13. Pairings undecided.

14. Feel free to project yourself onto the protagonist, and call people whatever you like.

15. A self-indulgent work, written in a fit of madness.

The protagonist's competence level is linked to the author's mental state.

16. Interesting comments or usernames may appear in the story. If you mind, please let me know in advance.

17. Comments related to the plot may get short fourth-wall-breaking replies from the player, the System, or random characters.

18. Suitable jokes from the comments may be worked into the story at the right moment.

19. If you're interested in other possible plot directions, feel free to suggest them. You may get a short reply showing an alternate scenario.

For example: What would happen if a certain event ended in a critical failure or success?

- Whenever dice are rolled, I have alternate outcomes planned for the other results.

- Alternate scenarios unrelated to dice are welcome too.

20. This story will not disparage any character, including characters from any of the franchises featured.

No one will be harmed in any way other than as the butt of a joke by the bad puns and dark humor.

21. This story combines a lot of my random ideas, so the sheer number of references may get a little overwhelming and weird (?).

- This is purely a joke-filled, goofy story, not a serious drama.

The main themes of this story include:

The uncertainty of Anko stories;

The character die being Scotch (what special twists will the die's story bring? lol);

The strange chemistry between Gothamites and Beika;

The player's anything-goes attitude and fourth-calamity nature (mainly in their mindset);

The bizarre rationalizations of the players' inexplicable behavior from the perspective of canon characters;

Breaking the fourth wall in every way imaginable;

Dark humor and references used at will;

The comedy of a mysterious translator;

Secondary jokes will be added to the player's everyday life whenever something sparks an idea, drawing on the first, second, and third dimensions ✔️

Theme: Why Is My Translator So Unreliable?