I Haven't Been a Squealing Crybaby in Years

Chen Huan has been married for seven years. His spouse is Lu Xueting, the imperial marshal notorious for his ferocious reputation.

Lu Xueting's animal form is a snow leopard. His paws are bigger than Chen Huan's face when spread out, while Chen Huan is a red panda. When they fight, all Chen Huan can do is bite off a mouthful of fur. He's helpless otherwise.

Reporter: "Would you care to comment on the recent incident involving the marshal's bald tail?"

Chen Huan: "There's nothing to comment on. It's my teething toy. Also, we're getting divorced."

No one paid any attention. This was the 3,077th time Chen Huan had threatened to divorce Lu Xueting.

-

This time, he was serious. Chen Huan walked out with a box of gold on his back, deciding to come back after the divorce cooling-off period was over.

On the way... he ran into a little accident.

When the guards found him, he had amnesia. He'd forgotten everything about who he was and where he came from. He believed whatever people told him, and nearly got conned into joining a pirate den to run a scam.

When Lu Xueting, who had rushed there from a thousand miles away, heard about it, his anxious expression faded and a strange smile slowly curled his lips.

He promptly locked Chen Huan in a dark room, put on the face of a grumpy big cat, and threatened him coldly: "You little thief. Did you think about this day when you stole my gold?"

The little red panda froze. The little red panda was horrified.

He'd been caught stealing by the owner of the gold?!

-

"Lu Xueting's Diary: My Wife Gets Fluffy When I Touch Him"

My wife went missing.

After I found him, something was wrong with his head. He'd forgotten me completely, and any touch made him bristle.

I'm not angry, just a little puzzled. I really need to teach him a lesson this time, or he'll do it again. I'm not angry. Really.

My wife is easy to bully now that he's lost his memory. He spends all day imagining himself as a pitiful, helpless little thing battered by life's storms, and my status in the family has shot up.

Watching him force himself to act sweet in front of me, his voice all soft and sugary as he begs for mercy with tears in his eyes, makes me feel a strange sort of way.

If a red panda doesn't act fierce, what's the difference between him and a raccoon?

Even with amnesia, my wife can't stay away from me. He secretly put a photo of me by the head of the bed and mutters at it every day, working himself up for a fight.

I've seen it. The photo was too casual, so I replaced it with three carefully edited selfies from different angles.

My wife saw them and was so happy he almost cried.

Wait

What does it mean to put the photos on an altar...

And why offer apples to them... and bow reverently three times every day?

Is he praying for us to stay together until old age?

"Chen Huan's Diary: Paying Off My Debt and Trying to Survive"

My name is Jin Buhuan. I stole two thousand jin of gold. That's right, I've been arrested.

My creditor wants me to pay off my debt with my body. He wants me to wait on him hand and foot, serve him tea, and even... warm his bed.

I'm pretty angry, but if I don't want to end up in jail, I have to do whatever he says. Hm, I'm still pretty angry, though.

Whenever I look at that cool, handsome face, certain parts of my body can't help getting itchy and hard.

The itchy part is my teeth. The hard part is my fists.

During the day, I smile and serve my creditor with absolute obedience.

At night, I gnash my teeth at his giant photo and bristle, punching and kicking it.

Don't mistake me for a raccoon just because this little red panda hasn't shown his claws!

A few days later, the giant photo by my bed inexplicably turned into a selfie of my creditor...

The person in the photo is smiling eerily at me from every angle!

Pervert! He's spying on me! So scary QAQ

A flexible, survival-instincts-maxed-out, outwardly sobbing and inwardly cursing, hot-tempered, spoiled pursued.

A pretends-to-be-good, loves-to-show-off, scheming, cold-faced flirt of a pursuer, outwardly icy and inwardly eager to pair up, a powerful double-standard-holding boss.

Both pure, 1v1, sweet and satisfying, no angst.

Theme: Life is hard, so have a little sweetness