A Straight Guy Spoiled by His Three Roommates

I don't understand gay men 🙃

But why, in the future, would my buddies grab me and use me as a rag?

My hands trembling, I lit a cigarette and took a deep breath.

I'm alive but as good as dead. Please, I need a survival guide.

To escape being used as a rag, I pretended to be a block of wood and stuck to my three rules: I don't get it, I don't know, I don't understand.

But why do I keep losing more and more clothes?

Why are there more and more red marks on my body?

Warnings: First-person narration. (I wrote this a long time ago and stumbled across it while going through my drafts.)

I like this trope, so I'm posting it. I might change it to third person later.

Theme: Do you know how lovesickness cuts to the bone, like the red beans on the exquisite dice?