[Genshin Impact] Report, Great Mage!

[Coming Soon: [Teyvat] The Teyvat Archon Chat Group. Scroll to the bottom for the blurb]

[Live comments are open] [Blurb]

Your Majesty Phanes, reporting in! My name is Suiya. I live in the neighborhood next to Mondstadt, right by the entrance to Celestia. I currently work as a bartender at the Angel's Share, starting at 9 p.m. and finishing at midnight before heading home.

I don't smoke, and I don't drink. I also moonlight as a dragon hunter, a Marechaussee Hunter, and a Lamp Lighter.

I get up at four every morning. Breakfast is a perfectly intact fried egg. In the morning, I travel from Mondstadt to Snezhnaya to hunt all kinds of Abyssal creatures, and keep an eye on whether the Melusines are secretly conspiring with Apep, a remnant of the previous dynasty, to rebel.

At noon, I make sure the God of Justice serves the Hydro Dragon King grilled food without any broth, then insist on challenging his rulings in court each week and checking that he's doing a proper job for humanity.

In the afternoon, I correct the Frostmoon Scions' mistaken beliefs, randomly catch a Fatui member and give them a lesson in turning over a new leaf, tell the Tsaritsa to mend her ways, and spread the blessings of Celestia!

At night, I steel my will against Abyssal corruption and refuse the Abyss's temptations.

Every day, I have to destroy four Abyss Order strongholds, then walk to Amsvartnir Lake at midnight to play “Phanes's Blessings Can Never Be Repaid.” I must constantly remind the degenerate angels not to believe slander again, then make it back to Mondstadt before nine to start my night shift.

Before bed, I pray to Celestia, recite the Wind God's Ode, bless the Descenders, and urge them to become assets to Celestia and renew their resolve to serve humanity. But I still feel I'm not doing a good enough job. Please grant me enlightenment \O/

All glory to His Majesty Phanes!

Loyalty! Devotion!

[A few things to know before reading]

1. The protagonist is a lunatic.

2. The characters' words and actions do not represent the author's views.

3. Any out-of-character behavior is my fault.

Coming Soon: The Teyvat Archon Chat Group

As one of the last legacies of the pinnacle of magecraft in the Age of Gods, Vassago was working off the books at a liquor factory behind his boss Goetia's back when he stumbled upon a chat group.

Vassago: The person who recommended me for a job at the liquor factory faked their death after getting me hired. Now the Boss says they're an undercover agent. Is it illegal to rat them out?

[Doesn't Do Anything Useful]: Not illegal, but pretty rotten. The poor person just wanted a vacation. Don't listen to your rotten boss~

Vassago: A friendly humanoid curse gave me a day job. The task went perfectly, but the boss died suddenly before I could finish. Is there any chance I'll still get paid?

[Wandering the Mortal Realm]: By common sense, most people believe that when someone dies, their debts die with them.

Vassago: My scumbag boss kidnapped his nemesis's brother and left me behind to cover their escape!! What do I do, friends?!

[Best Thing Ever Is Dango Milk]: I mailed you a knife. Remember to wipe the blood off when you're done.

Vassago: I'm being bullied at work. My coworkers and boss are both telling me to get lost. Any good places to travel and clear my head?

[Pink Dango Is Too Rich]: Poor thing. Why not visit the Grand Narukami Shrine and draw an omikuji~ They're really accurate~

Vassago: Thanks for the invite. I'm in Mondstadt, the wine is great, and I'm admiring Liyue's beautiful five-A scenic spots in the distance. Inazuma is gorgeous, but watch out: there's a fox blogger making false claims. Sumeru is so green, though it's a shame the mushrooms actually attack you!!

Vassago, enjoying the good life, never expected his sneaky fellow Demon God Pillars to follow him over too

Mondstadt's famous Hydro Idol: How dare you slander Lord Barbatos out of thin air!

Liyue's hardworking senior wage slave: For Rex Lapis, wait, I have to cross that off!

The pink fox who's sweet on the outside and sinister within: You call yourself Baal? Have you even looked at whose land this is?

The Demon God Pillars: Help... me...

Years later, a certain doctor, ready to self-destruct with the Ten Rings, stared at the completely empty Temple of Time and let out an anguished shriek:

“Where are my Demon God Pillars?? Where did all those Demon God Pillars go?!”

Theme: Honesty, trustworthiness, and dedication to one's work