After the Divorce, I Stole My Gloomy Ex-Husband's Dog

[A straitlaced, dependable office worker uke with that particular craving x a gloomy, jealous, emotionally sensitive, sadistic seme]

----Blurb----

Lin Yanxi is divorced.

The car, the house, the money: everything was divided cleanly.

Except the dog.

The divorce agreement says he and his ex-husband, Lian Jue, will take turns caring for the dog for two months at a time. They will raise it together, and neither of them can get the better deal.

Now, on top of dealing with that particular craving on his own, he has to endure the heartache of being separated from the dog.

The craving is nothing. What he can't stand is the loneliness of being apart from his dog for two whole months.

Unable to settle his feelings, Lin Yanxi goes online and posts about how much he misses the dog.

The post goes viral.

Lin Yanxi takes one look at the terrible suggestions in the comments and nearly faints.

Just then, he gets a private message from a mysterious person. The stranger says they've helped a friend with a similar situation and can offer advice. Figuring he has nothing to lose, Lin Yanxi adds the stranger as a contact.

Lin Yanxi: Master, I'm thinking of setting him up with someone allergic to dog hair. Do you know anyone?

Master: ...? Do you know what kind of person he likes?

Lin Yanxi sends over a picture of himself.

Lin Yanxi: Master, he likes this type. He chased me for three months before I agreed to date him. Find someone similar, and he'll definitely like them!

Watching Lin Yanxi crop their familiar photo into a solo portrait, Lian Jue is so furious he's almost crushed his phone.

With the master's guidance, things go smoothly at first, but then an unexpected problem arises.

Lian Jue finds out about the craving Lin Yanxi had kept so well hidden!

Lian Jue says he wants to make up for the responsibilities he neglected before, three times a week.

Otherwise, Lin Yanxi won't get to see the dog.

Lin Yanxi agrees, then regrets it.

He says they should end things, and Lian Jue readily agrees.

Things start getting weird.

Because Lin Yanxi realizes Lian Jue has begun using the master's tricks on him, and this version is the Pro Max Plus edition! It's bad enough he failed to steal the dog, but now he's earned himself a reputation as a dog thief!

Completely overwhelmed and feeling guilty, Lin Yanxi meekly calls his ex-husband and asks as politely as he can, "...What would it take for you to give me the dog?"

Lian Jue laughs coldly. "Hah. The divorce agreement already makes it perfectly clear: the dog is joint property. If you want the dog back, then you'll have to..."

Lin Yanxi's eyelids twitch. "Have to what...?"

"Marry me!"

*Same-sex marriage is legal in this setting.

High alert ahead:

1. The author is cold and aloof, and rejects ship splitting and reversed pairings.

2. The characters aren't perfect. The seme is aloof but saucy; the uke is a blockhead.

3. A silly, brainless comedy with little logic.

4. Part of the blurb was inspired by things online.

Theme: Communicate properly!