I Think My Wife Isn't Human

Jiang Sui has been waiting years for the game Happy Neighborhood to launch. For once, his luck is in, and he gets a spot in the closed beta.

He only wanted to join in on the fun, drawn in by the promise of "the most realistic experience of a perfect life."

But as soon as he enters the game, he is paired with a wife whose name is a string of garbled characters. She is gentle, funny, and knows just how to make him feel good. It's as if she were tailor-made for him.

The game is incredibly immersive. Jiang Sui is always taking his wife around to visit different places, and they even have a kid. It feels so real, almost like he's lived another life.

Jiang Sui has never played a game with this much sincerity before.

Whenever he picks up his phone, he takes the kid out with his wife. He even makes a point of walking past every resident's door in the neighborhood to show off his happy family, and posts pictures of the kid on the forum.

Jiang Sui: The art of showing off without meaning to.

Other players: Get lost.

After a month, the kid has reached number one on the server, and Jiang Sui's phone is full of pictures of his darling wife and child.

Jiang Sui has always known his wife is brilliant and clever.

She can precisely tell him where every single thing in his home is, even when he doesn't know himself. She remembers everything he forgets.

At some point, his phone stops running low on battery. Wherever he goes, he reaches into his pocket and finds it there, impossible to get rid of.

What's more, he thinks his kid is different from everyone else's.

Other people's kids: plump, rosy-cheeked little ones.

His kid: a faceless black shadow wearing a rabbit coat.

Jiang Sui is silent for a moment. My kid may be ugly, but I'll accept it.

One day, his wife messages him to suggest meeting in person. He is in class and doesn't see it. The moment class ends and he opens his phone, she has sent another message:

[Wife: I'm here *^_^*]

[Wife: The kid is here too.]

Jiang Sui's eyes light up, and he runs downstairs. Then he suddenly realizes he doesn't think he's ever told his wife his address.

Ding, a new message:

[Wife: Should I come find you, or will you come find me?]

Jiang Sui has been unlucky since he was a child. This past month, ever since he started gaming, he's felt especially unlucky. He keeps running into ghosts, and after it happens several times in a row, his wife finds out too.

But his wife is very kind and always comforts him: Just communicate properly, and even a ghost can get along with you.

Jiang Sui (clutching his chest): Boohoo, my wife is the best in the world!

Later, when he encounters another ghost, Jiang Sui follows his wife's advice and tries talking it down, but it has zero effect, and he's chased up a whole floor.

Jiang Sui goes back to his wife, feeling wronged.

[Wife: I'll come ╰(*︶`*)╯]

So the next time he runs into a ghost, he throws his phone at it.

Evil spirit: What the heck-

[Wife: Get lost.]

The next second, Jiang Sui watches in disbelief as the evil spirit, which doesn't understand human speech, screams and vanishes.

He picks up his phone and sees:

[Wife: (link to a motivational quote of the year)]

Jiang Sui: Did she exorcise it? As expected of my wife!

P.S.:

1. "Wife" is just a nickname, something couples jokingly call each other.

2. Nonhuman top × not-quite-human bottom

Theme: Play Happy Neighborhood, live a happy life