Old Man Yama, I'm Biaozi, and I'm Taking You On!

My name is Hu Dabiao, and I’m a sociable guy who runs a funeral supplies shop in Northeast China. My mouth got me into trouble, so the Underworld dragged my soul away ahead of schedule for “seriously polluting the Underworld’s online environment.” The King of Hell told me to get lost and reincarnate, legs crossed and all. I smacked him twice across the face and said, “You can’t meet your KPIs, so you’re using me to pad your numbers? I burned all that paper money for nothing?!” And that’s when the Underworld went to hell. I carry a suona in my left hand, playing “Better to Dance” as I send evil spirits on their way, and a brick in my right, ready to smash Sadako right on the crown of her head. White Impermanence becomes the top donor in my livestream, I turn Granny Meng’s soup into spicy hot pot, and I short out the tollbooth at the Gate of Ghosts with a well-aimed piss. Then one day, the King of Hell comes looking for me, holding his face and whimpering: “Biao, get back here! The Celestial Court’s crackdown on pornography and illegal content... I mean, an ancient ferocious beast has chewed up the Book of Life and Death! Now every ghost in the Underworld is learning your social dance!”