Antique Appraisal: I Found a Reactor, and You Call It a Hand Warmer?

[High-tech + livestreaming + mass misinterpretation + comedy + if you can imagine it, you can find it]

From the start, he’s saddled with trillions in debt. He has to pay tens of millions in interest every day as soon as he opens his eyes, or he’ll be erased!

Jiang Fan inherits a “Global Junk Recycling Center” and is forced to launch a wild career livestreaming sales pitches and talking up his wares.

And so, the whole scene takes a bizarre turn:

He digs up a miniature controllable nuclear fusion reactor?

Jiang Fan calmly explains: “Folks, this is a late Qing palace hand warmer. That blue glow is negative ions, and electrical leakage is a common problem with old items. Fifty bucks, shipping included!”

Viewers across the internet: “Streamer, run! That’s Cherenkov radiation!!”

He finds the Eagle’s latest crashed B-21 stealth bomber?

Jiang Fan whacks it with a hoe: “The paint on this ‘farm sprinkler truck’ is too thin. I’ll have to modify it myself, or how else am I supposed to keep the dust down at the junkyard?”

The Eagle’s military: “Good heavens! He’s using our strategic deterrent to water flowers?!”

He digs up a two-dimensional foil?

Jiang Fan waves it around dismissively. “This ‘drawing paper’ is too flimsy. It’s only good for wrapping roasted sweet potatoes.”

The Singer Civilization: “???”

One year later.

The whole internet begs: “Dad Jiang, please stop! You’ve made our country invincible!”

The Eagle breaks down: “Please stop identifying ‘farm tools’! Our aircraft carriers really can’t take it anymore!”

Jiang Fan looks at the star destroyer in his hands, close to tears. “Don’t make things up! I’m just a scrap dealer. This really is a high-powered tractor!”