The Apocalypse? First, I’ll Stockpile a Billion Psyducks as Mounts

On the day a meteorite struck Earth, Chen Ye was crouched in front of a supermarket shelf, agonizing over the question, “Should the sweet rice dumpling faction or the savory one rule the world?” Then a beam of green light smashed through the ceiling, slamming him and an entire box of expired instant noodles into a rift in time and space. When he opened his eyes again, the world had become a “magical realist wasteland.” Zombies delivering stand-up routines cracked deadpan jokes on the streets to scam people out of canned food. Mutated pothos vines wrapped entire residential communities into succulent castles. Even food delivery apps had evolved a “Doomsday Express,” with mechanical dogs riding shared bicycles and chasing sandstorms.

Other people awakened abilities like “Lord of Lightning” and “Spatial Powers.” Chen Ye opened his palm, and out popped a Psyduck with instant-noodle hair, quacking and blowing bubbles. Even more absurdly, the duck could evolve by eating zombie cores, growing from “Water Skimmer” into “Mecha Duck King.” It also unlocked the passive skill “Ridiculous Antics” for him: he could use an enema as lubricant for a mutated octopus, shatter the skulls of psychic beasts with a square-dancing loudspeaker, and even turn the base boss’s flagship into a mobile karaoke bar.

So, in this Apocalypse where “taking things seriously means you lose,” Chen Ye and his flock of ducks, a scavenged robot who lives to crack wise, and a muscular teammate convinced he is a magical girl, stockpiled so much that they turned Mount Everest into a warehouse. Meanwhile, his absurd antics drove all the various “doomsday overlords” to the brink of collapse. You’re launching a “Human Purification Plan”? I’ll airdrop ten thousand screaming rubber chickens as your soundtrack. You’ve awakened the “Word Becomes Law” ability? I’ll have Psyduck quack “You’re a pig” at you every day. You want to rule the wasteland? First, beat the toilet plunger I’ve modified...