The Eerie Origami Man: A Big Shot in the Underworld

If you can't write behind-the-scenes stories, don't write them. I don't know if you think the readers are idiots or if you've made the characters' sense of smell seem stupid. In a behind-the-scenes story, after just a dozen pages, almost everyone in the Ghost Suppression Division knows the protagonist. Behind-the-scenes, my foot!

Everyone says you should keep a low profile, yet you're constantly revealing your whereabouts, and aren't you supposed to be an octogenarian reborn? How old are you? What happened to your 80+ years of experience? You're so impulsive, with the personality of a 20-something. Have you wasted those 80+ years? Either don't write that you're an old reborn person, or at least make your personality more believable. It's so incongruous.

Is the protagonist's so-called low profile just sending a paper doll out to cause trouble and expose his identity in the early stages? A paper figure just appeared in front. Then the protagonist, a convenience store owner, goes out to buy materials for paper figures. Is it superfluous to add legs to a snake? Or is it just burying one's head in the sand?

You brazenly went to the paper shop to buy supplies, and the Town Ghost Bureau couldn't even detect it? They didn't even know if you were in trouble, and they even sealed off the convenience store! This isn't a government agency, it's a criminal organization! They couldn't even find out.

Shennong is dead. I can only say I've tolerated this book for a long time. I tolerated the protagonist's early antics, where he was caught by the authorities and fooled them with his so-called acting skills. The premise was supposed to be a mass-production army, but after over a hundred chapters, he didn't even have 10,000 troops. The plot was incredibly weak, basically cobbled together.

This is too simplistic. If you were just writing something reckless, I wouldn't say anything, but you're writing about something behind the scenes, with such serious information leaks. You try to be mysterious but aren't mysterious enough; there are too many flaws. The writing style itself isn't bad, but the plot... It's very awkward to read. You can't capture the feeling of a mastermind behind the scenes, yet you keep trying to portray the protagonist as one.

The protagonist is really something. He's lived all these years for nothing, and he makes such a big fuss just to investigate a situation.

I'm speechless. Starting from chapter 100-something, almost every chapter repeats these same few sentences! I'm connected to the paper figures; they know exactly what to do as soon as I think of it. The paper figures are also connected to each other. If one paper figure doesn't know what to do, it can ask another, etc. Are you trying to make sure people know you're padding your word count?

Did the protagonist waste his previous life? He underestimated the authorities for decades? They couldn't even detect tampering with the surveillance? They couldn't restore it? Not to mention the protagonist's world is now technologically advanced. Don't portray the authorities as idiots! And the place where they buy paper dolls is untraceable and untraceable?

Much of what you say is superfluous. For example, you know the protagonist isn't strong enough to create powerful paper dolls, but you don't need to repeat that over and over. It makes it seem like the readers are idiots. Do they really want to hear you repeat yourself for ages? Things that could be said in a sentence are dragged out in a huge paragraph. Can you please stop rambling? Two chapters would be enough to get to the paper doll part, but you have to stretch it out to five.