League of Legends: A Stat Monster Crushes the Pros

Left hammer, high damage. Right hammer, even higher damage. Whatever you do, don't miss W.

If Q hits, use E. If Q misses, back off. If you're not playing professionally, don't use A. Just spam E to stack damage.

Add in the ReadAlong player combo: QWERDF. Press whichever one lights up.

Lin Zhao, pro player, TES's professional water-cooler guard.

S16. After the season started, Brother took a break, the veterans went missing, and the VOD-review guy left. This S-series semifinalist team was left in dire straits.

The first game of the first match against JDG in the first split had already been lost. Everyone was silent, and the pressure in the prep room was worse than on the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau.

At that very moment, 9 Ge, the Chinese Shield and TES's veteran top laner, hit his head while using the bathroom.

As the only substitute top laner, Lin Zhao was called up in an emergency to take the blame, becoming the band's bassist.

With Snake's E landing true in his left hand and Garen spinning fast in his right, my mechanics may be as bad as a Master's player, but my champion stats are high.

Relying on his stat-monster System, Lin Zhao teamed up with Shui Zi Ge and spun his way to victory, completing the Golden Road that even the GOAT had failed to finish.

That day, golden rain fell on the band for the first time.

That day, countless spectators in the stadium shouted in unison:

"Hear what you say!"

Looking at his maxed-out stats, Lin Zhao suddenly understood. It turned out that he himself was the biggest stat monster of all!

(A troll masterpiece, apparently written after losing his mind over a Silver-ranked match.)