Who Taught This Sword to Talk?!

This is a story about a man and a sword. Here are a few excerpts from the story: “Great God, why can everyone else fly on their swords, but when I use you, I can only travel along the ground?” “This uses less energy.” “Then why did you dig underground with me this time?” “Because I'm a low-energy sword. You'll have to get over it.” “Great God, give me one good reason why we came here.” “To help this sword achieve unity between man and sword.” “Speak plainly!” “In the time I've spent here, I've mastered advanced subjects like video games and movies, and I'm gradually getting into the groove. I can watch them for days without sleep.” “If you applied that to the sword path, it'd be the state of unity between man and sword. I'm just a little short of it.” “Is that the excuse you made up because you want to buy a computer?” Lu Fan stood in front of the computer store in the mall, helplessly clutching his head. What a headache. “Great God, why do you love taking baths so much?” “People have human rights, and swords have sword rights. This is the new age of Daxia. It's our duty to break with old ideas.” “So that's why you stole a bathtub?!” Lu Fan helplessly covered his face. What could he do when this sword loved to talk? There was still a long way to go in teaching it!