The System Changes Every Month, and My Coach Is Going Bald from Worrying About Me

(No national team, multiple heroines, humorous, all handmade. Eighty percent of the thrills and laughs come from the matches, because this is a football novel that tells absolute nonsense with a perfectly straight face.)

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer: I thought Haaland would be the greatest source of pride in my life, but I never imagined Shen Qingzhou would be.

How do you develop talent?

All you need is hair!

Pep Guardiola: Which hair-growth tonic is the best? I want to coach Shen Qingzhou.

Haaland: If you have a childhood friend who's everyone else's dream kid, you're already halfway to success.

Declan Rice: When your teammate is great at scoring goals, those weird habits don't matter.

Shen Qingzhou: Before I won a little Golden Ball, you called me Little Shen. I didn't mind. Now that I have so many Ballon d'Ors, what should you call me?

Fans: The Ender of Messi and Ronaldo!!

P.S. Dear patrons: This book has 33 System entries saved up. I'm looking for new Systems to include, free of charge. Don't worry about how strange they are, just make sure your imagination is big enough. Thank you for your support. I'll do my best to make the story more entertaining.