The Strange Recovery Begins with the Awakening of Nuo Mian

1. The foreplay is too long The reader has not established any emotional foundation for the protagonist, so he has to follow him and start recalling his grandfather. 2. The protagonist looks like a background board Because of your content arrangement, the protagonist is either reminiscing or running. The only active move was to block the little girl. 3. The actions are not coherent enough and the logic is paradoxical. Why can it kill other people easily, but is always at odds with the protagonist? Because of the protagonist's golden cudgel? It feels like there needs to be a clear direction. 4. Directly given emotions = no given emotions. Most of your emotions are direct, fear, doubt. Why are you so scared? The soles of my feet were numb, my thighs were weak, I forgot to breathe for a moment, and suddenly I was breathing heavily again. I grabbed the pull ring and stood up with difficulty and rushed towards the car door. My forehead accidentally hit the pole. I feel like writing it this way might make it more immersive. 5. Every memory is not a sentence that comes to mind. Memories have to be useful. You let him think about his grandpa in the car, think about his grandpa when he is nervous, and still think about his grandpa when he is about to die. But, what did these memories bring to him? If not, then why write it? If so, what is it? Generally, memories have either immediate reactions or emotional rendering and contrast. I have only read the first chapter so far, just my humble opinion. All opinions are personal. Come on!