A Biochemical Hazard: A Temp Worker's True Story

Congratulations! You've won the chance to experience a life in the world of Resident Evil. Since the selection was random, you'll receive three random perks. Congratulations, you've received Golden Kidneys: immune to kidney disease and even stronger than Lao Ai. Congratulations, you've received an upgradable assault rifle with infinite ammo. Congratulations, you've received upgradable storage space. Your rewards have been delivered. Go claim them in Resident Evil. Wait, I was just clicking around because I was bored. How did I end up here? Jill, you're so gorgeous it's unreal. Ashley, it's time to start acting like a grown-up. Chris, you're a danger to your teammates. Stay away. I don't want to work with you. Leon, you vehicle-destroying menace, get away from my car! That boar at home is having a difficult birth. You lot can handle this Tyrant T-103. I'm out of here!