There's Something Off About You, Magical Girl

I thought that the protagonist, a male and female brat, was beaten so hard by the blackmailing beast that she fell to her knees and was taken back to be a star 😡🍐 (very disappointed)

I don't like sexual transformation and leather goods, so I gave them up.

It's okay, but it's definitely a bit awkward... Specifically, the pace is a bit slow, and the background development is too much beyond the protagonist's level. I hope you're not the type who crazily skips levels and fights monsters. It's too difficult to walk the tightrope and rely on plug-ins and plot kills.

One uncomfortable point here is that the male protagonist has obviously fallen into the trap but these so-called harems outside are acting out jealousy and palace fights, aren't they? The emperor has passed away and no one is worried? What are you investigating? Forget it about Leia and Jingli At least we can see some of the qualities of these two heroines One is for the dream of a magical girl The other is for the male protagonist to become a magical girl As for the other one, they are all for themselves All for themselves Ji If I use one word to describe it, it would probably be girl-oriented The character image is really difficult to evaluate In other words, the character design is not established at all It seems that it is just for the harem label of this book The NPCs surrounding the male protagonist Look like Lu Fei The kind of youth that cannot be loved Perhaps it does not require an attack like some XP maniac But seeing the male protagonist returning home tired Standing at the door and saying "I'm back" Simple and warm scenes are her home court Including Tang Yao Qingmei The setting of the bamboo horse It would be good to continue the script of some tsundere eldest lady rather than an offensive madman Above Maybe I don't understand harem stories But I understand the moment the character appears It doesn't revolve around who it exists.

It's like forcing the Riddler to hide his transformation and tell a huge number of chapters for the sake of plot or self-pleasure. In fact, separated by two worlds, other magical girls are still worried that they cannot cooperate sincerely to face the huge crisis after concealing their identities. It is too weak and goes against logic. Concealing identity without logic, or forcibly making up reasons to conceal it, this is the biggest poisonous point 🔨

The pace is too slow. One hundred chapters are almost two hundred thousand words, and the protagonist has not changed. Even if it sounds ugly, it can be regarded as a headline. When will the protagonist change? I hope someone with good intentions will detain me

[Starting Point]: Thoughts after reading "There's Something Wrong About You Magical Girl" (6353 words) [Status of the work] Book title: "There's Something Wrong About You Magical Girl" Author: Landing Cabin Published: Starting Point Status: Serial Number of words: 710,000 [Reading Preface] Yesterday I saw a book friend in the academy recommending a work written by myself. And probably out of shyness, I kept my name anonymous. Although I remembered that it seemed to be anonymous, I was not sure, so I clicked back and took a look again. Finally, I suddenly discovered that the poster was not anonymous. Did I remember it wrong? Out of curiosity about the works of book friends in the forum, I took a look. The work is currently being serialized, and the contents of one chapter volume have been completed. So I've only finished the first volume, and haven't had time to read the second volume yet. Of course I won't say it's because I'm not willing to spend money. Interested book lovers can also support this friend's works. [Content of the work] "Xu Yang, there are probably too many strange magical girls around you." "I think so too." Xu Yang sighed. [Harem]+[Entire Life]+[Not Too Sci-Fi]+[Not Magical Girl at All] The world is in danger. The world is like duckweed, floating above the deep realm of confusion. The peaceful world is just a curtain. Abnormalities and visions have long blinded everyone's mind. The end has already come, and no one can escape their destined fate... Until those "magical girls" appear. Although they are neither magical nor girly. "The first magical girl appeared three months ago. She used the power of psychic energy, wore a self-made cosplay costume, and declared that she would use a war hammer to smash all disloyal evil demons." "The second demon The magical girl is timid and has low self-esteem, but when fighting, she is completely different. Her eyes will turn into golden dragon eyes, and she can use the mysterious power of speech. Her bloodline may be related to a certain mixed-race family. " "The third magical girl likes to support justice and fight criminals at night, but. She never kills people. She always wears a black bat mask and uses special equipment with a bat symbol. Her true identity is a mystery. " "The fourth magical girl... Well, she is not a human being." "... Your Excellency, about these strange monsters. Magic girl, do you have any clues?" Xu Yang played with the heart-shaped gem in his hand and said without changing his expression: "How do I know? I am not a magical girl." ↑ The above content is the introduction of this work. It can be considered a relatively simple, clear and uncomplicated summary of what the content of this work is. I originally thought that this book friend asked several posts before writing, so he was a newbie. As a result, I accidentally discovered that there was actually a previous work in the works column, and it almost reached one million words. So he should be considered a veteran, right? Then why do you still post several posts in the academy to collect opinions from everyone before launching a new book? Can the content mentioned now really be regarded as the content of the work? The author is also considered part of the content of the work. After reading the first chapter, my personal feeling is that there are too many things that the author wants to express, so that there is nothing to express. And the characters in the introduction also appear one after another, and it feels like there is no focus on a certain character. After the protagonist traveled through time and came to this world, he was shocked by the gamification-like situation in front of him, and awakened as an observer similar to a plug-in. After being guided into the mysterious and supernatural side of this world, I learned all kinds of information. In the process of getting to know beautiful girls and defeating enemies and solving some puzzles, I felt that although the writing was interesting, it was almost boring. The narrative is strange, similar to the feeling that it wants to express a lot of things, but it fails to grasp a core and connect the things it tells in an orderly manner. But overall it seems readable because of the author's own writing style and the like. [Character Comments] [Xu Yang] The protagonist of this work has an observer, a hidden profession exclusive to the protagonist. Be able to see through the opponent's real name from the underlying code of the world and see a lot of information such as weaknesses. This plug-in makes me feel very comfortable. I remember that there was a work written by an author called Overlook Panda, and the protagonist also had a similar plug-in. And the content of the work is also written very much like a light novel, and the reading experience is very good. It's just that the later books seem to be more serious about eunuchs. The protagonist who comes to this world feels like he has come to a game world with bugs. In order to prevent yourself from falling into a terrible loop like an NPC, you can get rewards in the process of finding bugs and recording them. And obtained the hidden profession of observer. When the world becomes normal, the protagonist realizes that the world he lives in is already a society built after the end of the world and seems to be very false. In this chaotic world like the deep sea, everyone needs a social identity as an anchor to prevent themselves from falling into chaos and getting lost in the deep sea. In order to solve the puzzle that confused him, the protagonist began to explore this unknown world. Also by chance, I obtained a path similar to the star god in the Star Dome Railway from someone similar to the final boss. Or it may be more similar to a avenue for people to practice in the world of cultivating immortals. This path can allow suitable people to embark on a path from the ordinary to the supernatural. And this path is the way of the magical girl mentioned in the introduction. And the protagonist, who is the leader of this path, is naturally unlikely to survive. However, even though everyone loved it, the protagonist did not undergo his first transformation until the end of the first volume. And the transformation is not like the transformation of an ordinary magical girl. In the end, the boss cuts off a part of himself and lets the protagonist wear the skin of that magical girl to transform. So much so that some people in the comment section were shocked at how the protagonist transformed and still acted like a fool. Some guys with heavy taste said they had to watch it now. However, leather play is not so simple. It feels like I really don't know how to complain. However, the protagonist's character is also relatively bland. Be enthusiastic and kind-hearted, but also have a certain enterprising spirit and a sense of exploration. At the beginning of the story, I wanted to use the protagonist as the camera and describe too many situations in the world, resulting in a low story quality. I hope there will be more interesting stories to unfold in the second volume. [Road] A setting noun specific to this work. Objectively speaking, it is a path that can make people's spiritual practice from weak to strong. Generally speaking, the path requires human beings to summarize their own paths after they have grown from weak to strong. If you think about it carefully to a certain extent, this may seem like a process ritual of powerful imitation. What the strong human beings sum up is the Dharma, while those who simulate demons and monsters are heretics. The birth of the protagonist, or the million-diffusion magical girl mentioned in the introduction, lies in the path of the magical girl that the protagonist has obtained. It's hard to say whether the protagonist's path belongs to the Dharma or the heretic. Demon Magical Girl Zero There are quite a lot of characters appearing in the first chapter. There are so many that I seem to have trouble remembering the names of each character. Although on the one hand this is because my early Alzheimer's disease has caused my memory to decline. But on the other hand, the author can also carefully review the characters he writes so that readers have no discernible feelings. As long as I don't read the original text, it seems that the name of this magical girl may be Jingli. Originally it was a tool created by an evil organization to perform some evil ritual. A girl who thought she was just unfortunate enough to be hated by everyone and was sacrificed. But he doesn't know that everything he knows in the past is actually false. The moment your life begins is the day it ends. When a simple life encounters the torture of life and death and malicious oppression and humiliation, extreme and terrifying malice will be born. However, this girl is surprisingly simple and kind. Even if he is tortured to the point of death, there is no evil intention. On the contrary, the wishing stone, which is a relatively classic item, does not usher in the desire for revenge the moment it is triggered. The girl made a simple wish not to die. So he transformed into a lonely demon wandering in the deep sea. Finally, he stepped into reality from the deep sea and settled in a community. Let the people in the area return to the period when they were false human beings and continue an endless cycle. However, the existence of demons itself is a pollution to the order established by mankind. So the forces of human order also want to drive away this abnormal pollution. The protagonist and the psychic magical girl No. 1 In the harem he knows come to clean up the pollution in this place. Both the protagonist and his companions underestimated the ability of the demon girl. As expected, when the situation is about to be over when negotiating through fighting, the protagonist also plays his own role. Through negotiation, such a lose-lose outcome was reversed. After learning about the tragic past of the demon girl, he was given redemption. And after touching that wishing seed, he made a wish for a magical girl to be truly born in this world. The redeemed demon girl should also have eternal peace. But because of the existence of the protagonist, he was saved from the fate of death and became the world's first magical girl. It should be regarded as a demon-like existence, so it has the talent hidden in the mirror. Hiding in the mirror until the protagonist notices it, being carried around by the protagonist while watching and raping the protagonist 24 hours a day. More than words of love, it is the admiration, admiration and respect of the saved for the savior. I'm a little confused as to whether this is the fourth magical girl in the introduction. Psychic Magical Girl No. 1 When it comes to psychic powers, everyone probably wants to be loyal, right? Anyway, I can only have that feeling when I see this word. You can see too many shadows of senior magical girls in this girl named Bai Lili. While possessing a talent that is probably considered outstanding as a magical girl, she is also holding a big hammer that seems to be held by Councilor Hex next door. But it has an abridged version of the same artificial intelligence that Miss Nanoha embedded inside. Although she is the first magical girl to appear in the work, this magical girl is not magical at all, but she is indeed a girl enough. Because there is no invincible frame for transformation, even the pretty little skirt seems to be made by myself. A psychic girl who was born in a family that can be considered supernatural, has been very lonely since she was a child because her mother was busy with things in the supernatural world. And because my father lost his position due to confusion, he was very lonely and could only watch cartoons by himself. Look at those shining and brave girls on TV. And there are also some supernatural props that my mother brought back from the mysterious world. Some cats, dogs, or talking books. But these friends were later taken back because of some adults. I want to find my friends back, so I work hard to exercise my psychic abilities. Finally, she officially became a member of the supernatural world from an ordinary girl. However, in the process of choosing a path when facing the organization's requirements, the psychic girl fell into confusion. If you don't choose the path, you won't be able to gain strength. Even with the powerful tools his mother gave him, he is still just a novice. However, what the psychic girl wants to be is not a demon hunter, but a magical girl. But unfortunately, there is no such path as a magical girl. Is this important? It doesn't matter. If not, then just create it yourself. Dress up as a magical girl and use the tone of a magical girl to save others. However, compared to the brave girls on TV, the psychic girl has always known that everything about herself is just a disguise. But she didn't know that her disguise had touched the protagonist who was saved by him. It is precisely because of this that when faced with an opportunity to make a random wish, the protagonist considers the wish of the psychic girl. He then made a wish to become a magical girl, and a destiny path that could change the universe was born. But what makes me feel weird is that the psychic girl who is the creator of this path seems to have not yet undergone a formal magical girl transformation at the end of the first volume. This really makes me wonder how bad the author's narrative ability is. Just a very strange feeling, right? An apparently brave girl sacrificed herself by falling into a coma to save others. Let the protagonist use the opportunity to make a wish to change the world, and use it on her because of the girl. Obviously it should be a scene that highlights the arc of the character. After that, shouldn't it be natural to become a real magical girl and start forming a team? But no. On the one hand, she maintains her cheerful and enthusiastic magical girl form. However, the most classic identity cutting of magical girls has naturally been retained. In her daily form, the psychic girl who is a classmate of the protagonist is just an ordinary girl who hides her outstanding appearance. A self-righteous psychic girl who satisfies her hidden desire to act, but she doesn't know that the protagonist may have seen the name of Magical Girl No. 1 On her head through the observer's talent. But this girl who chooses to treat the world enthusiastically because of her loneliness, and who can only laugh and say how wonderful it would be to save the apocalypse when faced with it, can be said to have truly fulfilled the pink positioning in magical girl works. A girl with unbeatable courage. Hope is the only power.

"Ella, let me be healthy!" "No!"

What have you two agreed upon? 🤣👉

The writing of magical girl books has become more and more popular recently 🙂, but the quality is so terrible. It is slow to gain momentum, the world view is large and detailed, and the opening is also very attractive: "Magical girls do not exist in the world. The protagonist prayed to God, 'There must be a magical girl,' and thus magical girls were born." It is unique to be able to write an article on the origin of magical girls.