Metal, Gunpowder, Magic and Thirteen Elegies

As my first book, the writing of this book is undoubtedly a bit unsatisfactory. I would also like to thank many old bookworms for reading it from beginning to end and giving me a lot of advice! I will keep updating this book until it is finished. I will write a complete novel and experience the early, middle and late stages of the novel. Whether it is a good or bad review, I will probably not delete it. I would also like to thank many people for their corrections on the construction of part of the political system in my book. I will continue to learn and write a novel on related themes in the future.

I can understand everyone's feelings about reading books, but reading is very, very important data for a writer, especially a new writer. If possible, please turn to the last chapter every day. The more you read, the faster the author will update QAQ

Personally, I feel that the dialogue is well-written, the pace is fast, and the beginning of the narrative is very immersive. Then you don't mind if I talk about my personal thoughts I just want to say a little bit, is the plot after escaping from the traitor a bit too jumpy? The massacre in the subsequent branch line, the emperor's ceremony, and the banquet, all at once, the amount of information is a bit overwhelming, and I am a bit dizzy. I have not remembered several characters Remember, I just remembered some of the main characters Then I personally feel that adding xx slang in parentheses is not very necessary. It affects reading a bit. If the language is different, add a paragraph to explain it, and then I don't need to add what slang is used. I feel better (Mainly I think others do it this way, of course, it is mainly based on the boss's habits) Then if you want to talk about the direction of the plot, I may need to know the specific plot before At present, I know that the main plot is the emperor's ceremony Objective information is there Davis Reform Rebellion The Pope rebelled against the empire and let the protagonist go The purpose of the ceremony may be immortality, which requires a large number of dead people Other information is a little vague, and a lot of information is objective information from readers. What will the protagonist do if he doesn't get the information? What about the work (It might be more comfortable if the scene jumps in the scenes were expressed more coherently, but in fact it is okay, the writing is very good and the pictures are sufficient. Ordinary readers may not have any problem watching CG as a cutscene, but they don't know the meaning of what the person with this name saw, and the feeling of who is talking to whom in these conversations) (Purely personal opinion)

There is too much nonsense in the introduction, and there are also bad sentences "At this time, Anthony had become a prisoner of the Brion Empire. After escaping from the concentration camp, he returned to Saonente, but at this time, Saonente had changed drastically."

1. Meaningless parentheses "(Saan'ant language) xxxxx" must be used in almost every paragraph of dialogue. I don't know where I learned this bad habit, and I don't understand why I use it. There is no need to make special remarks to distinguish the languages ​​​​of multiple ethnic groups, nor is there a plot that deliberately uses a language that foreigners cannot understand to loudly plot, so why bother? 2. Superfluous annotations Is this going to be a tome? Why is useful information not used in the main text, rather than being annotated at the end of the text? Moreover, in my opinion, most of the annotations in this book contain very little information, and are at best little fun Easter eggs that do not even function as supplementary information. Moreover, there is also the misuse of "allusions". For example, in the scene where the old Mike mercenary meets and talks with the protagonist group, I also specially add annotations at the end of the article. I really don't think the story of Hercules and Kakaya can be used here. First, your character references are reversed. Could it be that you used the treasonous old mercenary Mike to refer to Hercules when he said "Can you tell my name", and the protagonist group refers to the God of Sin to seduce Mike? Secondly, even if you use this allusion or gag, you are not using it all. After the protagonist was questioned by Old Mike, he was arrested without answering anything. If you really want to use it, at least let the protagonist reply with a few witty sentences before being caught. For example, my enemy rebels call me the remaining fugitive criminal of the kingdom, and my friends and companions call me the hope of the future nobles of the kingdom. Blah blah blah. To put it simply, you might as well use the memes of the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood in this paragraph to be more appropriate. 3. Lack of real sense The detailed description of the work in the paragraph should be a brief stroke to enhance the sense of plot substitution. It should not be a long paragraph with random annotations at the end of the article. For example: "*A kind of Sanante swear word", the meaning is unknown. So what exactly was he scolded? I don't know, such a description will only make readers separate from the plot and examine the novel. You can either transliterate a group of words or make a nonsense sentence and use it as the referent of the swear words in this book. This is the simplest and lazy way of using it. For example, Fake, such as Muggle and No-Maj... Or free translation of swear words, this needs to be a bit advanced. For example, curly baboons, as dirty and obscene as frog pee... But this book is useless, but it is like writing an outline, discarding excessive modifications, being simple and clear, like taking notes, and uploading it directly. Similarly, there are the following paragraphs, "*A kind of enchantment magic..." "*A kind of agricultural magic...". It does not require a long paragraph of chanting like the ancient Internet articles, which is really awkward. You can at least write a sentence similar to the dragon roar of the Viking Rune, the Elder Scroll, such as "fus ro dah", "Laas Yah Nir", or the transliteration of "Fus ro dah", which is far better than this kind of explanatory note. Another example: "Take out a ball object from the bag... [Vata Toti Ball]..." This is probably the first time that a magic item appears in this article, and there is no further description. Most people are probably quite interested, so I just brush it off. This magic ball, how many feet and inches is it? Does it have a base? If so, what material is it made of? Brass, mithril, obsidian. Is the surface of the sphere engraved with mysterious patterns or anything worthy of making people know at a glance that this is magic? 4. The level of description is confusing It appeared in the first chapter. After time travel, the protagonist first called the name of his aristocratic companion Hans, and after a long paragraph, he described a boy with blond hair, blue eyes, and so on. At first glance, I thought it was two people, but later I realized it was one person. For a character who appears for the first time, usually at least describe the appearance and demeanor first, and then recall the name. This is reversed here. There are many similar problems, I'm too lazy to mention them, so let's leave them at that.

It's important to catch up on reading, especially new books. Follow-up reading refers to the number of people who read the latest Children's Day within 24 hours. The amount of follow-up reading is crucial to whether there are recommendations for new books . Subsequent recommendations also depend on follow-up reading. Whether a book can be written depends on this. So I hope you all, even if you don't read it, please take the time to turn to the last page of the latest chapter. Thank you very much. Please don't keep it, you may lose it if you keep it If you can, please brush up to the latest chapter within 24 hours after the update This is really important for new books, Thank you all!

Why pounce. Because I came to read the novel. It's not for you to write a messy introduction to historical myths.

What is the main character's name? Lin Chu suddenly changed into Anthony without a few glances, and he even used two of them together, so just use one. It's so confusing

Don't switch the protagonist's name between Anthony and Lin Chu back and forth, it will be too dramatic.

Well, it feels like a slow-burning novel, worth looking forward to.

I've kept it on my bookshelf for a while, and now that I've read it, the setting and plot are quite innovative (I'm sure). The story described is also my favorite type, although I feel there are some shortcomings in some places (? But that's just my personal opinion. Overall, it's still a very good fantasy novel.

What is the strength of military magicians? Is there an individual magician powerful enough to influence a war? Are there any similar situations described in the following pictures in the author's world?

Current situation map

It feels pretty good!

Anthony

The road is long and long, I will search up and down, and encourage each other😁

A few years ago I could still watch this kind of movie, but now I can't watch it anymore. I still watch the kind of plot that follows the protagonist. Even if I don't follow it, the other chapters are too much. In a word, I am tired of watching it.