Wuxia Crossover: In the Kingdom of Jin, I Fight My Way Back to the Southern Song

The second chapter is a bit toxic. The protagonist is warming himself by the fire in Po Tao Temple. Qiu Chuji avoids the snow and enters. The protagonist says, "Taoist Master, come and warm the fire." The protagonist and Qiu Chuji don't know each other, and neither does Jilaishu. The normal development should be that the protagonist is a weak young beggar with food and money around him. When he sees a strange Taoist entering the Taoist temple, he will be stunned at first, and then he can't help but become alert. Then the character and character of the protagonist and Qiu Chuji are determined based on their personality, and the dialogue is determined by their personality, such as whether to remain silent or take the initiative to say hello. As a Taoist who travels alone in the world, Qiu Chuji, even if he is not a social cow, is still very knowledgeable and good at communication. When he sees a weak and vigilant beggar, he can first say hello to appease the person and avoid unnecessary hostility. For example, "I have met a little friend, and I want to use the land to avoid the snow. I hope my friend is not weird." The protagonist can then come to his senses. As a time traveler, his wording should have some modern characteristics. At the same time, because he has no experience in dealing with relevant social situations, his answer will be delayed due to thinking and hesitation. In order to make up for the impoliteness caused by this delay, he will use repetitive words to emphasize his attitude. For example, "Um... It's not weird or not, Taoist priest, please feel free to do so." I don't know what the author's mentality was that made Qiu Chuji refuse the protagonist's invitation to warm up by the fire. A reasonable guess is that he wanted to maintain a safe social distance to prevent the little beggar, the protagonist, from feeling uncomfortable. Following the development of this plot, you can write: "The protagonist observed for a moment and found that the Taoist priest seemed to have no ill intentions. He was sitting alone in a cold corner, with his beard and hair trembling slightly in the draft. It was a bit unbearable to watch. After hesitating, the protagonist still said, "Taoist Priest, why don't you come here to warm yourself by the fire? "". Forget it, let's just hide and speculate when writing character dialogues in the future. Just one dialogue exposed the cognitive deficiencies in related aspects. It is hard to imagine that an author who does not even have a foundation in this aspect can write a work that does not make people constantly alert to common sense.

I want to see the protagonist defeat the whole fucking world on his own!

It would be great if your text was as exciting as the introduction.

When I read the first 16 chapters, I felt that this book was just like cooking even if it wasn't Buddha Jumping Over the Wall. Until Chapter 17, this should have been the first small peak. The protagonist acted secretly because he was not strong enough. Run, push away a bunch of people in their base camp and run to check their injuries to see how they were beaten to death. After being scolded by the housekeeper, he was so stunned that he killed the housekeeper with his backhand. Seeing that the servants next to him were frightened, he shouted righteously that the housekeeper also told you to die. He didn't think about you, and the literary youth got up inexplicably. You are still in their base camp. Are you so crazy? The whole thing feels like it was written by two people, just like the strawberry tofu with the name of boiled cabbage. It's not that it's inedible, it's just that the gap is too big.

Some explanations of the introduction, for some friends who don't understand (The first bracket corresponds to the original work, and the second bracket corresponds to the meme. There are some that I can't recognize. Let's see if anyone knows and can give me a guide) "The Tiger Soul Demon Sword commands the world; if the Sky Crystal is not available, who can compete with it." (The Mysterious Weapon Xuanqi) (Since it is the Tiger Soul Sword and the Sky Crystal Sword, it is naturally the God's Soul Sword. Bing Xuanqi is the original work of Shenbing Xiaojiang that I watched when I was a child. But this sentence itself is from Neta's self-reliance on heaven and dragon slaying. "The supreme king of martial arts, the sword slays the dragon, and commands the world. No one dares to disobey, and no one can fight against him if he relies on heaven." Among the gifts given to Fulian, the sword of the brave (As a side note, the buried Fulian is really beautiful, even in the people's view of history, the brave is not a profession, as long as there is strength and courage, everyone is a brave, super good-looking, if you haven't seen it, I suggest you watch it)) "The same move cannot be used a second time against Star Shift." (Dragon and the Eight Parts) (neta from Saint Seiya, the same move The style cannot be effective against the saints for the second time! ) "The world's martial arts came from Shaolin, which means that the seventy-two stunts of Shaolin are the prototype of all martial arts throughout the ages. It is natural that a child cannot be defeated by his relatives." I don't know without neta, I didn't see it...) "The Vajra Demon Circle is a stunning secret technique performed by three eminent monks, also known as 'Sakyamuni's Wonder'." (The Legend of Heaven and Slaying the Dragon) (It feels like a sea tiger, a shocking secret technique, amazing to the world, and what immediately comes to mind is shocking wisdom) "Little Li Feidao is just a name given by people in the world. It is said that Li Xunhuan only cares about practicing. Kung Fu, claiming to be the 'Serious Flying Sword'." (Sentimental Swordsman's Ruthless Sword) (Serious Series, One Punch Man?) "The fifteenth sword of the Thirteen Deadly Swords is said to be a sword that can see the dead line and dead point of all things." )(But having said that, the fifteenth sword does seem to have such an effect)) "Fucking innate body-breaking invisible sword energy, I order you, you give me a breakthrough!" (Gentle sword) (I guess this neta is Ye Haihu, because the tone is so similar) "The Khitan tribe has a battle legend that has been passed down for thousands of years, a super Khitan with a calm heart... " (The Eight Tribes of the Dragon? Khitan, martial arts, I can only think of Xiao Feng) (neta's is the Dragon Ball, legend has it that a super warrior, a Super Saiyan, will appear every thousand years!) "I will destroy all the Taoist demons before they appear." (The Legend of Two Dragons of the Tang Dynasty) (neta's is the Magic Circle, I will destroy all the witches before they are born."

Gua! I want to see the update!

The flesh-and-blood characters created in the original work can be immediately killed in your book after three or four chapters. Is there anything you can do to complete the original work? Have you really molded people like Ximen Chuixue, Zhuge Zheng and me into shape here? Can Mu Taoist really stand at such a height? I have always been talking about great truths, and every few chapters I have to talk about why evil cannot defeat good. But unless it is your protagonist, which decent person can defeat evil? If the protagonist is pretty good, then that's it. Why do characters like Ximen and Zhuge have to be portrayed as such protagonists for you? I can't wait to let the character I can't control end, and my control of the plot is simply terrible. I came to see Tongren not to see Mu Taoist, but to see people like Ximen Chuixue, Zhuge Zhengwo, and Qingwu. Ximen Chui Xue Ling appeared in four chapters and ended immediately. Can you write some tall clichés to cover up your poor portrayal of Ximen? If it's not the original work, what do you think it is? Is there any person in the Battle of Huashan who has been better portrayed by you? If you have a little bit of shaping here, you won't be able to participate, and if you don't have a bit of shaping, you'll be given away one by one. If it weren't for the original works, would anyone be moved by the death of Ximen Chuixue and Zhuge Zhengwo in your novel? But precisely because of the positioning of the original work, what you are writing now is more like a farce. In your case, justice cannot be served without a protagonist, but the likability of your protagonist cannot be compared to people like Ximen and Zhuge. Of course we want your story to be well written and your original protagonist to be well created, but the charming characters in the original work are the driving force that attracts me to click in. Otherwise, why would I come to see the fanfic? On the basis of shaping these people, you can flesh out other characters and no one will say anything about you. But are they shaped well? Are Ximen, Zhuge and the others really exciting at the core of the character Mu Daoren? Why should they be used as a stepping stone for Taoists? How can your evil prevail over good? Where are your axioms? I even have some doubts about whether you think highly of these characters. You always seem to talk about the truth. Once you talk about the truth, others will come one after another. Going too far? I think it's a soul-moving method. The pacing is poor, the plot is outrageous, you don't respect the original characters, and you ignore the original positioning. This fanfic of yours is not very competent. Don't tell me that you are satisfied with the current development, and don't think that others can't understand your hard work. As a martial arts fan, it's not up to par.

Don't say anything else, just this introduction, the author, you are going against the readers, because you hate too much traffic, you are stubborn, why don't you write it simply and clearly, and you have to be mysterious, it is very interesting.

Very interesting introduction and world view, easy to read, and the writing is also good

As I expected, it turned out to be a eunuch. I said that according to the way you write it, the combat power will definitely collapse, the character design will definitely be OOC, and in the end it will definitely become a eunuch or a mess.