This Is a Role-Playing Game

The introduction is very attractive, but the plot is incoherent and confusing. For example, why would you help an unknown person? If it is to protect the village, it would be fine, but many people died, and more importantly, it is to protect the girl. The most important thing is to protect the girl. There is no benefit. Moreover, the plot is very ridiculous, almost all in the water, I have no idea what you want to express, and there is no emotional foreshadowing. The two children saved in the front are basically the background wall, and this fighting method is also very discouraging. Basically, the subject matter is a good one, but the content is not good. Are you writing about time travel? What you wrote is obviously about online games.

The setting of the novel is my favorite type, but the plot arrangement of the protagonist is unsatisfactory. As the protagonist of a novel, he always gives readers the feeling that he is forced to do things. The plot is too rigid. I have seen many comments about this chapter and they all say that it is completely poisonous.

The setting is okay, but the protagonist knows that the so-called acting is actually real history, but it still feels like an "irresponsible" stand-alone game. Moreover, after living in the real world for several years, I still feel immature and unstable. I hope it will improve in the future.

Lilith (Naixi)

I believe that a large number of people will feel awkward when they see the angry and laughing part in the second chapter. The author obviously didn't understand the circumstances under which people would have extremely intense emotions. Extreme emotions require certain prerequisites. You find out that someone has brutally murdered a loved one, and you experience extreme emotions. You will have extreme emotions when the Japanese abuse your compatriots. But if you see a wild dog bite to death a foreigner who has nothing to do with you, will you laugh in anger? Impossible, at best he would be a little angry. Because you have no sense of identity with this foreigner. Your anger will be more about the dog offending a person. Now the protagonist is a person from another world who has traveled through time and has not integrated the memory of a person from another world. Your only communication with this world is some special knowledge (probably a general worldview and extraordinary knowledge, I have confirmed this repeatedly). Then you see goblins trying to roast humans and laugh in anger, which is untenable. There is a world between you. You have never experienced the intrusion of your kind by monsters day and night, nor do you know the person who is about to be roasted. Your only starting point for saving people is "this is a human being", someone of your own kind. Laughing angrily in such a trivial position is obviously untenable. What's more, you are just an ordinary 17-year-old young man. Are you really not afraid of monsters? I was so angry that I exploded, and I went up to fuck them. This is unrealistic. The author should have established an image of justice, but the problem is that you failed to establish it. If you had said at the beginning that this was a promising young man with a sense of justice, it wouldn't be so abrupt. In other words, it won't be a problem to write this when the protagonist's character is really established. Because readers will replace it themselves. It is under this circumstance that this angry laugh becomes a poisonous point, a poisonous point placed at the beginning. This is easy to dissuade. Just like you eat fish. At first you get a fish bone stuck in your throat, and later you feel uncomfortable no matter how delicious the fish is.

After watching the Witcher and Vampire parts, I didn't want to read it. It's not bad, but it's not a highlight either. It's just like a simple running account, tasteless and a pity to throw away. The point is, the protagonist has no characteristics or impact in either the role or the plot. There is no goal and no plot. It feels like writing an essay with 800 words.

@readerYou can do it

"The story of my harem when I went back in time to change history and have descendants of my bloodline"

This introduction, this title. Totally hit my point of interest

The biggest poison in the early stage is the identity of the protagonist before time travel. What kind of alliance, interstellar... A nerd's identity is stronger than this one A mediocre identity will make the sense of substitution stronger.