Disciple, Don’t Blame Your Master for Being Ruthless! Heh Heh Heh

Looking forward to apprentice jockey Mizu

Will this work?

I think Yan Lei is more like a girl? In other words, he has a man's heart. The CP of knocking off the Queen

Not bad. But for me personally, I don't know why, it's a bit out of place. Especially the dialogue and character interactions are not very realistic. Is it because the language is more like comics? An idea. Perhaps it can be pushed to a more extreme point. The structure of the character relationships is not absurd enough at present. If it can be more absurd, I probably won't look for any real sense. Otherwise, pull it back, at least use behavioral language and be more realistic. The basic conflict is a conflict of goals, which develops into a cognitive conflict, and then into a behavioral conflict. These three levels are indeed present, but they can all be more extreme. Otherwise, it seems that it does not match the current tone of the conversation. Anyway, the direction is OK, more updates, good operation, readers will come.

This is Master!

The gender of the protagonist cannot be identified now, and the introduction says that he is fair-skinned and beautiful. Later, he will not be written as a woman and then be taken into the harem by his apprentice! ! ! If this is the case, I suggest you change your book to a female channel. . . . . . .

Read two chapters. I won't say any more. At least it's not so trivial. I don't even know who the protagonist is. If it was that Yan Solei or his apprentice. Goodbye to you. I've seen people whose writing is worse than yours. The character design of the protagonist is much better than what you wrote. I can read dozens of chapters. It's already boring to read two chapters with a character like you. The writing is okay, and it has a visual feel to it.

Ah, this, is this originally Danmei? ? ?

I can't stand it. The protagonist needs a golden finger, but he doesn't have talent. And then the protagonist's dignity is trampled on by the author every day. The immersion experience is not good at all. He is humiliated throughout the whole text. There are too many supporting roles and the protagonist has few chapters at all. After a few chapters, he is humiliated. So where is the highlight?

The book is a good book, the story is very smooth, and the writing skills are also good. I won't praise any more. Let's talk about the key points. The biggest problem in this article is the protagonist. From what we know from the beginning, Yan Lei is definitely the protagonist, right? But to be honest, there aren't many Yan Lei scenes, and he's unlucky when he appears, or he's on an unlucky road. Her gender is unknown and her mental state is problematic. Looking at my disciple Xiao Ye, the label is given to the male protagonist, and his performance in the article is the usual template for Halo Flow novels. The above is known information. Question: Based on the known information, this involves a problem of abuse of the master. If Yan Lei is the first protagonist, then this article is definitely an article about abuse of the master, right? Personal Thoughts: I read a few comments, and one of them said that there was no sense of immersion. The author's reply probably meant "This article is mainly for fun and fun...", And also gave an example to illustrate that reading this article does not require a strong sense of immersion. So, since the author feels that the sense of substitution is not important, why not just write Yan Lei as a supporting role? Does Xiaoye's role as a universal template protagonist not only solve the problem of abusive masters, but also strengthen the needs of individual readers? Now it feels like in an NBA team, you have to have an ordinary role player as the team leader and use the star style of play. There is obviously no hard requirement to be the protagonist, so there is no need to push it. The above only represents my personal opinion. The book is a good book and I hope it will achieve good results.