Date a Live: Yun Ling

Ahem, I hope the author can read this review. 1: The protagonist's personal abilities. In the world of battle, elves are indeed very powerful as soon as they appear. However, I took a look at the abilities and background of the protagonist Tianwu. He is omniscient and omnipotent, and is equivalent to the status of the lord of the plane. It was so strong that there was almost no suspense. Among all the more familiar works, there are very few protagonists who are invincible from the beginning, such as the Bone King. Although he is invincible at birth, people do not know and do not believe that he is invincible. The battle of wits and courage with the air is also extremely difficult. It can be seen that it is like the angel of Honjo Nia in the battle novel - the power is omniscience, and Tachibana Company also placed Honjo Nia in a relatively low position, and as soon as she appeared, her ability was lost and was taken away by Westcott. Then he confronts the omniscient Westcott to drive the plot. I personally suggest that the author arranges an opportunity to weaken the clouds. Otherwise, you will find that you don't know how to write further. (Don't just think about writing about daily life, because daily life also needs to be driven by contradictions) 2: The author must have a good grasp of the character's personality, which is very, very important. Let me give you an example. Kurumi Tokisaki here can't resist Yunwu revealing his long-cherished wish to kill Takamiya Mio. In order to correct the world, Kurumi Tokisaki did not hesitate to bear a blood debt of 20,000➕. And he hasn't lost his true nature. (To clear Sansan's name, although Kuangsan was burdened with a blood debt of 20,000 yuan, when she returned to 30 years ago and changed everything, the 20,000 people were alive again, everyone should understand) She should be very determined, even if it is revealed that Kuangsan's character must be that after confronting the protagonist, she knows that she cannot win, but she wants to win over Yunwu and use Yunwu. Three: Of course, it's the writing style. The narrative is a little unsmooth. I took a closer look and found that the author should be a student. It's okay. Newbies who write more words will definitely improve their writing skills in the early stage. Just like me, there is a big difference between before and after 30,000 words. Moreover, I personally recommend that you read it several times after writing it. First, you may have made a typo, but you can see where it is not smooth, and slowly correct it, and it will improve. Four: This is what I, a new author, have always wanted and been pursuing, which is to use the protagonist's psychology and experience to express some profound thoughts, reflections, and even values, which allows readers to constantly ponder. Just like a person fighting for his loved ones. Then I want to serve the country. Loyalty and filial piety cannot have both ends. Here, loyalty is right and filial piety is right, and the protagonist goes through some experiences and tribulations, constantly thinking about whether to become a small family or a big country. The protagonist keeps thinking, and at the same time, it also allows readers to think about it. (Of course, I'm still a bad guy, and I can't write well. I can't give up on a date, and I'll stay with you until I grow old!) Finally, writing a book takes a lot of courage. I believe you can realize how difficult it is. Therefore, the author greatly cheers up

Come on, just do it, Ollie!

The author, I hope you can read this little suggestion. Try not to squeeze the characters' dialogue into one paragraph, so that it will be a bit confusing at a glance and you can't tell who is talking. You can try to separate. This will be simpler and clearer. The character image is a bit stiff, you can try to add some inner descriptions and subtle movements, eyes and other details. I also suggest the author to read some anime fan fiction. I also suggest the author to read "Hui Mao" The above is my suggestion. Great author! Come on!

Come on, author＾0＾~I love you

Write more details, Don't just rely on talking to advance the plot. The description is insufficient and the sense of substitution is too low. But from a newcomer's point of view, it's already above average.. Come on, author